I think this picture is perfect on how I've been feeling lately. I'm trying to hold it together before all that we call life rolls through and takes all my pedals with it......OK maybe not that drastic, but it just feels like it.
I'm at a cross roads with a lot of things in my life. I'd think by this point in life I'd have enough figured out but daily I am reminded that I don't. And when I think I'm heading in the direction I need to be going....it's not. But what I have once again realized that it's not about what direction I think I need to be going, but it's the direction that GOD wants me to go in. And a lot of times I don't always understand or like the direction. For instance, I had an opportunity for a new career path and I really thought that it was it. Everything "seemed" to fall into place, each step seemed right and I got closer and closer to the end result.....then the phone call came that it wasn't meant to be. I didn't understand, I was upset, angry, hurt and rejected. Why? I thought it was right, it seemed like it was, but it wasn't because it wasn't GOD's plan for my life. Something about it wasn't right, it wasn't HIS plan. Trust me it's hard to understand and even accept it. But it is the way it is....HIS plan, not mine.
I was reminded the other day, make all the plans you want but don't expect GOD to check with you when He's making His plans....OUCH would be the first reaction most of us might have, but then I am reminded that this isn't about me, this life isn't the end, it's just the beginning and that after all is said in done, I really want HIM in control of my life. It just makes sense.....but it's a lot of the time hard to accept.
I'm holding it together, I'm sorting through this....asking HIM what HE wants for me, where HE wants me to go, how HE wants me to live this life....I'm still learning, I'm still standing.....even when the storm rolls in.
