ITS A GOOD LIFE!

This is going to be a good life...I remember reading that statement a few years ago and then for me personally life went south...and not to warmer climate either. It was rough, but I made it through and right now I am focused on my life...that it's a good life. A few days ago I talked about the storm that I'm standing in right now. I'm watching things around me spin out of control and many unknowns and what ifs are happening. BUT I have peace, I have a calm spirit and my heart is still beating. Because...it's a good life. I have nothing to complain about, nothing to stress over, because life as I know it could, and had been worse. So I have a good life, do you?

It's how we persevere things...if we think something bad will happen, and then it will. If we think something great will happen, it will. Our attitudes make up so much of how we go through out our days and I'll be honestly, lately my attitude towards certain things and people in my life haven't been good. They haven't been positive and it WILL NOT be that way anymore. This is a good life, we have a good life and it's time that we embrace every part of it and love the moments that we have. What do we have to complain about, what do I have to complain about? What because someone doesn’t want to be in my life, so what….that’s their deal and loss. What do I have to complain about…because it’s cold out and I didn’t dress for the right weather, so what…that’s my fault….what I might not like to do…but I do it. No more complaining….this is a good life! We get one shot at this and it's time that we stop dwelling and start living.

This storm is picking up steam and I'm ready, I'm ready for what I'm about to walk through, yes a little nervous but I'm excited...I'm excited to see how I come out of it, how I handle it and what I will learn in the process. I'm not afraid, I'm excited...I'm ready!

I can't stress enough how thankful I am for the life change I embraced and did 10 months ago...though it took some hard lessons and a lot of inward searching...but I am thankful because that moment prepared me for right now. For this moment, this is preparing me for other moments to come.

It's a good life...love it and never look back!

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -126 pounds

The people in my life....

People come and go but friends; true friends will always be in your life! I have some pretty amazing friends in my life. Friends that I know that will be apart of my life for a long time....the kind that all I'd have to do is call them and say nothing...they'd know. I am thankful; I am blessed to have good people, solid friends in my life!

This past year I lost friends....many reasons really. Everything from life changes, moving away, career changes, "stabbed in the back" hurt and death. I don't believe you’re ever prepared when someone you've cared so much for hurts you, betrays you, lies to you or passes away. Usually when you move, you stay in contact...when your career changes, you just email more.....but when it's something that's bigger then just keeping in contact it rocks your world. The friendships that I have now I believe will carry on for years to come. I'm passionate about those that I care about, those that invest in my life, those that no matter what happens in life will always be a staple for me.

You can never have enough good, honest people in your life; you can never surround your self enough with them....when you have them, hold tight to it because they are few and far between. Those that have hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me...makes me re look to know if they really happened to be my friends to begin with.

Those that I've lost due to death...I cherish their memories and the times we had together. My heart misses them everyday, but that's a reminder to me to pray for their families and those who are also hurting too because of their loss. Friends...love them, pray for them and keep them close!

Stay the course...the road is going to get rocky!

Weight loss: +2

Weight loss: -126 pounds

Let me tell you...

how big my GOD is...that's what you tell the storms of your life when your unsure how your going to get through it. There is a song out now that has a line in it that says "batten down the hatches" and it never fails when we're in the midst of a "major" storm in our life we prepare, we store up, we batten down the hatches and wait it out....or do we walk through it? Currently we are experiencing a pretty nice winter storm. Who would ever pair nice and storm in the same sentence...ME!

When my brothers and I where younger our Papa Johnson would take us out on the front porch during a thunderstorm and he'd hold us tight and we'd count the BOOMS and lighting strikes. He would tell us stories and we'd talk about God and his amazing works. Thunderstorms scare me, I'll be honest...it's more the lighting that frightens me and so I never really would want to go sit on the porch...but this was something my Papa did with my mom, aunt and uncle when they where growing up...it's now something that my mom does with my daughter. But looking back on those moments and now as an adult facing my "own thunderstorms", I find comfort in those moments. Just like the picture, having someone wrap their arms around you to let you know everything will be "OK" or that you will get through this has such a healing effect...it makes it feel like the "storms" of life can just roll through and I'll watch them from the comfort of my porch.

I believe right now in my own life I am in the calm of the storm, or as the storm experts would say, the eye of the storm....the calmest part. I'm finding out daily that I'm watching a storm around me but I'm standing still in silence....it's a difficult feeling to describe but I am trying to be still and know...to understand what I am learning, how this storm will progress, gain strength or die off....it's pretty unknown, but what I do know is that my GOD, thee GOD is bigger then any storm I'd ever face.

The other odd ball thing about storms is that when I know they are about to hit, I don't eat...never understood that about me....must go back to the nervousness I have....that's for another story at another time.....enjoy the storms!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -128 pounds

Has it really been 3 years?

Sometimes it's hard to remember how long ago something happened. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and other times it feels like forever. But 3 years ago today the Steelers won a super bowl (yeah) and I watched it from the ER at Aultman Hospital. Why? I had a pretty bad accident. I have reminders of it daily, not just physical reminders but the mental reminders as well. Today we're in the midst of a winter storm and this morning while driving to work I had flash backs of the night I had my accident, the weather is similar.

I am thankful though for my guardian angel that night...I rolled my jeep into a field full of snow and thankful for the snow because it took most of the "damage". But while I was laying their waiting for someone to come help I remember hearing a guys voice talk to me, I had the sense to roll down the passengers window and look up, but the snow was coming in so I couldn't see anyone's face, but I heard him talk to me, ask me my name and that I was going to be ok, that everything was ok. Shortly after that the most amazing EMT's arrived and helped me, I don't remember their faces, but I remember how they worked together and made it seem so easy, this inconvenience that I had caused was easy...hmmm. When I mentioned to one of the EMT's that I wanted to thank the guy who had stayed with me till they arrived, they looked at each other as if I had hit my head...the EMT who had to of been the go to guy as he was calling the shots looked at me with a very straight face and said that there was no one at my jeep when they arrived, that the neighbor across the field had been the one that called. But no one was there....thank you Lord!

The gentleman that was with me on the way to the hospital had to be all of 12...ok more like 21, but I remember how he gave me a hard time because I had my Steelers jersey on...don’t' blame him, but he made the situation seem like it would all be ok. I watched the Steelers win the super bowl from the emergency room and I also got to talk to my dear friend Steve, oh how I miss him. I'm thankful for those moments, even when they are not the best of moment, I am thankful for them.

Today I will (as everyday) but today I will be thankful for safety and I'll be thankful for guidance and memories. Be safe as you travel through out this day we've been given.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -127 pounds

Temptation @ it's finest

So let’s talk about temptation! A few years ago there was a show on Fox I believe called Temptation Island...that's not the kind of temptation I'm going to talk about...but there is that too. The temptation that I am talking about is what you see in this picture...chocolate, M & M's and a bowl of them. For someone trying to kick the craving habits and get away from sugars, carbs and all that goes into these types of food this is a horrible picture. A big one for me because I couldn't just stop at one. One would turn into two followed by six and before I knew it the bag or whatever was there to begin with would be gone! And onto my hips and thighs it would find a new home. UGH! Really...if I thought of all the sugar cravings I had over my life it would make me sick.....one actually did...

During my high School years, our youth group would take trips to various colleges through out the mid west. This was a time to not only bond with others in the youth group but to really start thinking about where we'd want to go to college, what we'd want to study in, etc. All three years of this I'd go on these trips...I look back and laugh though because I already knew where I wanted to go to school, I think I went for the fun and to get out of the house for a few days. *Sorry mom and dad :).

But this particular trip I went with a few girls that I was friends with and we went to Grace, Anderson, and Taylor, just to name a few. While we where at Grace though we stayed with my brothers at their place. It was also a time when we'd have these trips that I'd get to see my brothers and other friends that happened to already be in college. I'm trying to set the stage here...I remember that it was cold and snowing out and Dan (our youth pastor at the time) had taken us around town and we had stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. Typically if you where going to stay the night we'd stay on campus with college students to get the "feeling" of what it would be like to stay in the dorm....but 3 of us opted out and decided to stay with my brothers...maybe it was "cooler" at the time, I don't really remember. But while we where at the grocery store we thought it would be a smart idea to buy as much junk food as possible and hope to eat it all before we made our way to the next school. We bought everything from Oreo’s to Reeses' cups and M&M's and the loaded sugar pop...whatever it was. I'm thinking grape...but anyways. We took our purchase back to my brothers place and I remember my middle brother was sick, so we didn't see him much and my older brother was busy so it was us hanging out watching movies and eating all this stuff we had purchased......

Lets just take a moment to recap that when you eat enough sugar or even a small amount of it and your not use to that in your daily life...my parents never let us eat like this so being out from home and pulling this stunt should of been a really good indicator of things to come....but your body goes into shock. AND BOY did mine ever! About 4 hours after we ate all this food I paid for it dearly! I was so sick, flu sick, headache sick, you name it I was sick! We still had 3 more days of traveling to do...I was to embarrassed to really admit to why I was so sick that I just played it off as if I was getting the flu...the rest of the trip for me was a blur but what I do know is that candy and things like that still turn my stomach to this day...moral of the story...don't eat it! HA!

I've learned a lot from those times in my life. It's helped me to understand more of who I am and why I might do or not do certain things in my life. It also helped me appreciate my parents and how they raised us, healthy eating habits for starters. I wish that I wouldn't have been so stubborn when I left home and to run away from those life lessons, but I've learned and I had to face some "big candy dishes" to get through them, but I've come out all right...

Weight loss: -1 pound

Weight loss: -128 pounds

The Journey

"And if, upon arrival, you find that your destination is not exactly as you had dreamed, do not be disappointed. Think of all you would have missed but for the journey there, and know that the true worth of your travels lies not in where you come to be at the journey's end, but in who you come to be along the way." ~ Linda Staten

I came across that quote years ago and found that looking back on my journey for just a brief moment...I feel that if I stay there to long my heart begins to hurt and it's all down hill from there...but when I take a moment to look back on my journey I am thankful...I am thankful for the places I had been, the lessons that I had learned (and continue to learn) and I am thankful for the moments that brought me to this place today. Who I have become at the age of 32....if you would of asked me at 17 I would of been in shock and told you that my life would of turned out completely differnt...why because I thought I knew what I needed. But in all actuallity it wasn't about me, it's never been about me...it's been about living my life for the glory of His name.

This weekend I did some "cleaning" out. I cleaned out files, old papers, useless stuff and people out of my life. Yes you read the last part correctly. I'm done looking back on the past and wondering what if....guess what, we can't change the past so it's time that I stop dwelling in it. I have today and that's all that I've been given, this moment. It's been interesting to go through the stuff I kept...I figured at that time it would be important...funny how we hold onto things hoping that it will mean something down the road.

I came across a book that I must of purchased when I first moved back home. I flipped through the pages like I was looking to purchase it all over again and inside one of the pages was a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it like I was hoping that the purpose of my life would be found in this...as I began to read it my heart began to hurt...it was a note that I had written to myself the night before I moved home, into a new life, a new beginning and a new journey of unknowns. The pain was so deep and my heart was so heavy that night, I remember what I was wearing, where I was sitting and how dark the night seemed to me. So many unknows and what if's. I remember that a night like that would soon become many nights like that for a few years..My breath seemed heavy and my memories of that night became all to clear again and I began to cry....but this time there where not tears of sadness or heart ache. They where tears of relief and joy....because this journey that I was so unsure of 5 1/2 years ago has of course had it's ups and downs but I am forever thankful for who I've become, who I've learned to become once again. Behind this note was this quote "Sorrow looks back, worry looks around but faith looks up." ~Ralph Waldoo Emerson....

I've had many journey's in life but one path...I am in the midst of another journey and I am excited to see the end and to pick up a new journey. I belive that I am stronger now then I've been in a long time, though some days are harder to see that then others. My heart is tired of being lonely but I do not dwell in those feelings anymore because I've been given a brand new day with brand new moments and I will be thankful.

"I know GOD won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much." ~ Mother Teresa.

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -127 pounds