Well it's time for confession. Since last Monday I haven't followed my eating/diet plan as I should have. Last week was full up an emotional up and down roller coaster as well as not feeling well. Needless to say I didn't drink the water I needed, nor did I eat what I should of. I didn't cheat, I didn't eat things that I shouldn't of, just not enough of it. I also didn't gain during this past week, I did continue to lose, but I can tell my body is worn out. Emotional, mentally, physically worn out. I feel like the week ahead of me will be one that I'll need to really do some repair and rest for myself. Though it has been a rough one, I still am positive and like the changes (in my body) that I see. I found a picture of myself from Easter, this would of been a few months before I started the weight program, and this picture will be my inspiration to never return to that stage in my life again. It does hurt my heart because I look at that picture and see a world of hurt and pain, I don't know that person anymore.
Because last week was so up and down, I really needed some positive things, reassuring things to happen and they did. Saturday I went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love. For those that have not seen it, I recommend it. There are parts of the movie that I don't agree with, the actress form of mediation, but I understand it. Have you ever had a movie in your life that you've watched and it's like having your life unfold before your eyes? That happened to me, here's the base of the movie....(if you don't want to know, stop reading and go to the next paragraph) A successful business woman was married and the marriage fell apart, ending in divorce. Though she never really forgave herself she went right into an unhealthy relationship with someone who was toxic. Feeling unfulfilled and empty she decides to re embrace her life again. She takes the next year to travel to Italy, India and Baillie. There she will learn to Eat, Pray and Love again. In Italy she re learns what it is to love food and to embrace how people interact with each other. India she finds the chance to forgive herself of the past and the hurt that is in her life. She goes through her prayer and understanding more of who she is. Her last journey to Baillie, this is where she will learn to love again. Though I feel like I have re kindled the eating part of my life, to enjoy the good for you food around me and I am praying, to take time to understand my life again, to not miss anything. But the last stage, love.....that I haven't walked into, nor given up on. I don't know if I will find that again, but I do know that I have a new appreciation for who I am and I love that.
The second part to my reasurance was yesterday's church service. The sermon for the next 3 weeks will be centered around why we are a nation, a world of narcissism. We are a selfish world. Why do we think it's always about "me". I was so glad that I could hear this message yesterday. For myself, no one else, it was a chance to exam my own life and how I deal with this......
Overall, this has been a good thing to re exam my own life, where I'm headed and know that I will have those ups and downs. Things won't always be the way I think they need to be, but I am working towards balance, acceptance and understanding in my life. Not being afraid of change, embracing what is ahead of me and knowing that I am not on this journey alone.
Thank you for letting me unload this morning......
Weight loss: -2 pounds
Total Weight loss: -78 pounds.
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