Relationships...

What a word...relationships. It's used to describe so many things, you have a relationship with your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your husband/wife, your co-workers, your food....yes I said food. Here's the thing, I've had a relationship with food for a long time. Honestly I have realized that over the last 12 years I had a love hate relationship actually. I found that food never let me down, it never led me on, it never lied to me, it never disappointed me....but wait, it really did do all those things, and I just never realized it. I use to love to eat, pasta, pizza, sweets, a 4 course meal, whatever it was I would enjoy every moment of it because it filled all the other pain that happen to be going on at the time. I was like plaster "literally" filling in the cracks in my life. What an odd way to put it, but FINALLY I realized it.

Has it changed? Yes and No. Yes because I don't eat anymore to take the pain, disappointment or whatever negative thing going on in my life away. But No because I have learned to enjoy food, to actually taste it and to experience it. There is a scene in the movie Eat, Pray, Love when the main character and her friend at the time go to Naples Italy to experience the best pizza in the world and Julia Roberts, the main character explains that she's having "a relationship" with her pizza, but it's because she's truly enjoying it! That's how it should be; eating food should be something we experience...not something that we just do. Of course we eat to survive but do we eat to live or live to eat....I now eat to live.

Relationships come and go, we know that. Some will last just a moment and others will last a life time. But what we should be doing is instead of just living through the motions of a relationship we need to experience it. Yes, there will be pain and yes there will be disappointment but given the right experience it will be amazing...just like pizza. :)

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -126 pounds

Words & Stones

Have you ever been in a store...mostly card shops, but in a store that sells inspirational items and as your checking out you look down and see a basket full of colored stones with words on them...or as they call them word stones. Oh so crafty! But anyways, I find that no matter what I'm doing I stop and pick up a stone or two and read them to myself. Strength, Hope, Faith, Love..those seem to be the most popular ones but I remember one time I picked one that said Rest. I find that to be interesting because the other words you find in the pile are "comfort go get em" words to me and rest...well that makes me just want to go to bed.

Through out the journey of a new Amanda I've had a lot of "word stones" that I've had to decided to either pick up and carry with me or throw away. Let me explain. Many people who know me personally know that I'm pretty positive, a good outlook on life and that I want to do and give for others as much as I can. But those that also know that side of me also have seen a side of doubt...I was trying to recall when in my life that I started this self doubt and I was able to trace it back to college. When I started to put on the majority of the weight and think there was no way to get rid of it. So I self doubted and started with the "I can't". The I can't can have such havoc over your life. Can't is self defeating and beating yourself to a place that no one needs to be. I let that be in my vocab and I didn't do anything about it...until 10 months ago. I took hold of the can't that held my weight loss hostage and I threw it as far as I could throw it and I walked the opposite direction. Until Tuesday of this past week. For some reason I picked up the I can't stone and stuck it in my pocket. I carried it all week until last night...and I threw it once again!

For good, I hope but I know that in life sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right, to throw it far enough that it won't return. I have been greatly encouraged by friends and family this week to stay the course, to keep my eye on the prize and to press onward. A verse came to mind and this has to do with the rest stone that I have now put into my pocket! (I recommend it)

Psalms 62: 1-2
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

I recommend that each of us take a look at the "word stones" that we carry around daily and if these stones bring pain, hurt, self destruction to your life-THROW them as far as you can! And cling to those that bring comfort, joy, peace, rest and love to your life! Those will take you far and isn't that what we want!

Weight loss: -1 :)

Total Weight loss: -126 pounds

So here are some pictures..

This is the new me and when you look at the bottom picture you will see where I was when I started this journey...so thankful...SO THANKFUL for the new and WAY improved me!



In this picture are some of the best people I know and have the privilege to have in my life. I am on a committee for the Young Professionals and this was taken about 1/2 through my weight loss. Though I still have about 40 to 50 to go...the progress is fantastic!



This was about 1-2 weeks before I started the weight loss journey. I might of thought I was happy then...but when I see this picture I see pain. But the best part about this is that the pain I once had is gone and replaced with a better outlook on what is and will be!

When there are no words....

What do you say when you don't have the words to express it? How do you react when you feel like you don't want to. With out going into much detail I am at a point in my "life" that I really don't have the words to describe the feeling or how things have been in my life the last week or so....but I do know this, that I do not walk this like alone, I do not walk this life with out knowing that I am loved and I do not walk this life with out hope. I have hope, I have strength and I have faith. I am thankful for the lessons....though they might be difficult and unknown, I am resting in the fact that I know that this won't define me. It will make me stronger and there is something way better in store. That I am excited about.

May your today be better then yesterday!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds

Amend: So here's the thing, when I think the struggles of this life are to much to handle sometimes or I wonder where my strength to take another step on the path of the unknown...I am reminded, I am stopped in my tracks...I read about a wife who is trying to put her family back together after losing her husband at such a young age and unknown reasons or a dad taking care of his two daughters while his wife battles for her life after a stroke...I am then reminded in the quietest of voices that this isn't the hardest part...this isn't going to ruin me or break me. Because this morning I was given another day to enjoy the blessings that we all take for granted and to see how wonderful this day would turn out. I am reminded that my dear Amanda, you walk this journey with many unknown steps but you will never do it alone....you are never alone. "But as for me, I will always have hope: I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measures. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord: I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone." Psalms 71: 14-16...and then I am reminded of this "GOD did not promise days without pain, Laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."

from my cell...so its short

Because today turned out to be such a busy day, I am writing this from my cell phone...its a little crazy to think that this is possible now...not possible 5 years ago really. But today was a day of quiet wait....seems to be the theme for the week. I continue to hear in my mind.....trust, trust me. My reply is....I am.

I hope your day was full of blessings.

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -125

When...

My prayer for today is that in all things GOD will give me grace to say the right things, to think the right things and at the end of the day know that all that happened in this day was done with grace....

May your today be full of blessings!

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: 125 pounds

Who am I kidding...

NO ONE! I am now frustrated with myself...I've taken the old habits and let some of them back into my life. When I started this almost 11 months ago I made a decision to never go back, never look back, never allow old habits and be focused on a new me....and I am here to report for the last month I haven't done anything that I've worked so hard to do, I gave into temptation and I gave into the old habits! I'm frustrated.....If you give a mouse a cookie....he'll want another! That's me, give me something and I'll want more. I have used food as an emotional life support for all the ups and downs of my life. It MUST stop!

So today...today I make a decision to do this again, to get rid of the old, bad habits that plagued my life for the last 11 years and cling to those that I have worked hard to make new in my life!

Weight loss: +2 pounds

Weight loss: -125 pounds