Is it that time again?

Hard to believe that in two days I'll celebrate another birthday. This time the big 33 will be my new number. This is a special number for my mom too-this is how old she was when she had me. When she first started talking about this number I thought to myself what life will be like when Makayla turns 26 and she will be the age I was when I had her....sometimes it's hard to think past the next moment. But it's never hard to look back and reflect..... It really feels like yesterday that I turned 32. I was so looking forward to being 32, I had so much happening in my life, new friends, new opportunities and a new slate to keep me focused on what I was trying to accomplish for the coming year. It just doesn't seem possible that 365 days had passed once again. It really was in a blink of an eye. This past year I left my job I had last year and started with a new company, still trying to figure out really what my purpose is, my heart tells me one thing but my mind and bank account tell me another. I really wish all three would get on the same page. This time last year certain people that where in my life I thought would stay in place but that hasn't been the case. What I thought was going to be hasn't been. But this past year has been full of lessons, trust, unknowns and hope. I can't complain because I have been given another year....I am now singing on the worship team at our church which is a blessing. Makayla is healthy and happy, she is such a joy in my life. Just today she was walking through the house singing Jingle Bell Rock at the top of her lungs. Days like this I just love, embrace them and be thankful for them. I don't know what this year will bring, no one does. I sometimes wonder if we'd really want to know. Maybe, but then where is the surprise? I'm looking forward to celebrating 33 on Wednesday with my family and then celebrating over the weekend with my friends. Birthday's are special for me, for some reason I make a big deal out of them. I want to celebrate for the whole week, but they really are only important to the person that's having them. I've learned that over the years too. :) But I embrace this new number and I'm so very thankful for what I've learned over the last year and I am ready to walk into this year with open arms and take on whatever might come our way. Blessings to you and your family.

Thanksgiving in the smallest form

This thanksgiving may you and your family be blessed. Let us not forget all that we have been given, all that we've been through and realize that we have so much to be thankful for. Blessing to you and your family....

Mistakes....lessons

"You can never make a mistake a second time. Because the second time you make it, it's a choice, not a mistake." Well to be honest this is the most clear comment I've read in a long time. How true, first time is a mistake the second time is a choice and then you live with the outcome, no matter what. I really hold this comment to a lot of relationships in my life. I feel like I continue to make the same mistakes, choices when it comes to it-so it's my choice and I can't call it a mistake. It's been awhile since I've had a moment to write my thoughts. Though I have a lot of them, doesn't it figure I can't think of a single one. There has been a lot that has been going on in my life. It's been the smallest things to the largest unknown I've been up against....and honestly no matter how great or how bad it might get, I am thankful. For the lessons mostly....how I learn more about myself and how even though I don't always think or believe it, I am strong. I was given a gift to hold a lot on my shoulders even when I don't think I can add one more thing. I'm thankful for what I learn from other people. How they view situations and circumstances in my life, or their own. I fell that the people in my life now are here at just the right time. Thankful....that's what I am, no matter how many laughs, tears, moments of uncertainty I am OK....we will be OK.

A Scarlet Letter

Well my dear friends it's been a few weeks since I've sat down to write anything. But I have been thinking a lot......and a lot I mean by 24/7. There isn't a moment that my mind isn't going, thinking of things in the past, the present and what the future holds. Sometimes I find myself thinking back to certain moments that where defining moments of my life. I also have been looking towards the future....knowing that no matter what happens I'm ready, my daughter is ready, my family is ready....but my heart is still heavy. A few days ago I was reading a blog and the person writing it was making reference to single mothers-I caught myself for a second feeling sorry for them and then it hit me I was one of them. I don't see myself in that "category"...but I am. She listed it like this.... There are women whose husbands have died. There are women whose husbands have left. There are women who don't know the father. There are women who asked him to leave. There are women who are safer on their own with their children. There are women who never married, who chose from the start to do it alone. There are women who are married, he is present, and yet she parents all alone. Then she went on to say that no matter what the case might be they are still mom's...they are still the ones that walk around this world with their hearts on the outside and they some how get a scarlet letter assigned to them because of one of the above situations in life. No matter what happens....it shouldn't be that way. I found myself having a "moment" this morning. I was talking to my mom about life, about things that have been happening, how people have viewed me, my situation and people don't always understand a situation before they decided that you need to hear their opinion...and lately this life, this world, this place I'm in EVERYONE has an opinion about my life, how I should live it, why things happened the way they did and honestly most of the time I'd like to just walk away from them and say you just don't get it. I don't carry the scarlet letter....I won't. I won't allow this world to label me. God made me who I am and I am forever thankful for that....I am thankful for all the lessons, all the dark moments, all the unknowns....but most importantly I am thankful for the joy, the blessings and the peace that had come from it all. No matter what this life tries to "label" you....don't let them. We are all better then a label.

Some moments are meant to.....

Be forgotten! That's how it goes. Some moments are meant to be forgotten. This week has been one of those weeks. I've had moments in my life that happened, 8, 7, 4, 1 years ago this week and they need to be forgotten. I've moved on. That's the easiest part, to say it, but to believe it is another thing. I was talking to a dear friend the other day and we where talking about some of the things that have happened in my life, she made a really good point. She said you know at the time everything seemed right, you never went through all that to think that you'd have to go through some of your darkest days....but out of those dark days you've had some of the brightest days, moments of your life. She's right. Those moments though maybe good at the time, turned out to be pretty dark spots in my life, but I stuck with it and moved through them with ease....at least looking back it seemed that way. But I survived. I stayed the course and I survived! Things in my life are going good. I am looking forward to them staying that way. I've cut people out of my life that brought me down, that took the "joy" out of my life and I've moved on. I consider their time in my life just an opportunity to make me stronger as an individual and to realize that I don't need to be brought down. So that being said, the drama in my life has gone away and I'm thankful. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but focus on what today holds! It's all about learning. :)

One year....all the change you want.

Well it's late and I can't sleep. I normally don't have a problem with this, but there is so much happening in my life that I can't shut myself down at night....at least not lately. So tonight as I was laying in bed figuring out how to process everything.....I decided to write or in this case blog. And I'm about to share right from the heart....nothing unusual since I do this all the time. But here it goes: Change. I love it....I really do and I feel that this season we are coming into has the most beautiful change you can ever hope for. It's the kind of change that sometimes takes your breath away. I like change, every form of it actually. What's the motto, if your not changing your not living?? Well I agree with that. Some change will be good and some won't. But what I realized is that this coming week for me represents a lot of change for me. 8 years ago there was a change that took place and it forever changed the course of my life...at the time I thought it was for the best.....5 years later it turned out to be the worst change in my life. A year ago I made a big change and ended a friendship with someone who had been nothing but hurtful in my life. At the time that decision to make that change I thought was so hard, so upsetting in my life but looking back over the last year I've realized that it was the best change I could make. Not having that person in my life this past year was actually allowing me to "live" and to really see things for what they are, trust people for what they say and learn more about me as a person then I could of ever if I would of kept that person in my life. I don't doubt that something in the coming week will happen that will be all about change. Just seems to be that time of year.....but this time I'm good with it. People come in and out of our lives for all sorts of reasons and what I've grown to realize is that I hold onto nothing because it can be taken away in a single breath. I've learned to stand tall, speak my mind, think before acting, smile when there is nothing else to do.....and pray. I spend a lot more time in my car even though I "get to work from home." Because of being in my car more it means a lot more time to think...to process....to understand. The other day I opened myself up to a friend for just some encouragement and what I got back was total frustration. Actually how this person responded made me realize that this person really never cared about me as a person but to bring me down because they where unhappy with their life. Normally in a situation like this I would write the person off but this time.....this time I took it for face value and moved on with life. Life won't stop, never has stopped for anyone and that won't change. I understand that a lot of this tonight is ramble to many-but that's ok with me, because right now it's what I have to get off my chest and out of my mind so I can sleep tonight. I'm always changing, I work in an industry that is always changing, my beautiful daughter is always changing, my day to day life is always changing and I am great with that. God never promised an easy life, I don't believe things need to be easy. But he did promise that He would get us through it. So I look at it this way, I might struggle, people will hurt me, I will have trials and uncertainties but no matter what He'll get me through it. Big or small, doesn't matter the problem.....that's pretty cool if you ask me! Well I think I'm tired enough to stop....you know the whole "stop while your ahead...". Don't be afraid of this season your going through, there are good things to come from it. That's a promise.

Just for today....

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime. JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine. JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot. JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer. JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. JUST FOR TODAY, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself. JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my outlook on life. I will encourage others and find the good in people. JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions. Just for today.......