This could very well be one of the hardest blogs I've ever written and to be honest I sit here tonight with tears streaming down my face. I don't write many blogs while in tears; I feel that it makes me to vulnerable actually. But tonight there is no way to get past it. Today was hard and there is a lot to it but here’s the thing....over the last few days I have literally been moved to tears by those that are dealing with the weight of the world and my heart begins to feel heavy knowing that the pain in which so many carry is great. I love those that are so close to my life and I love walking this path of life with each of them but sometimes it's just overwhelming to watch people deal with so much grief and heart ache.
I could sit here and tell you how frustrated financially I am and how I need another car fast...but all of that seems so small and trivial when I read about a beautiful couple and how they lost 3 little boys too soon. The way that they have handled themselves, shared their faith and seemed to be able to comfort so many has been so humbling for me. As I read through their blogs and comments I wonder how I would be able to handle such a burden in life and then I am reminded....GRACE.
I heard a song today as I was traveling around all about grace. It said "give us faith to be strong, give us strength to be faithful, this life is not long but it's hard. Give us grace to go on and faith to make us willing and able." Those words have been on my mind since...
6 years ago my life forever changed in good ways and not so good ways. 6 years ago who I thought I was would be tested, would be tried, would be hurt, would be heart broken, angry, betrayed and devistated. 6 years ago I entered a new stage of life that like it or not would forever change the course of what I thought my life would be like. 6 years ago sometimes seems a lot longer then other times. On the other hand sometimes it feels just like yesterday that all of this happened. Though it would be years of dealing with the above feelings, I would finally come to a day like today and deal with it face on...finally! It is time that I put all this behind and realize that I have become a better person, I have learned so much about who I was meant to be, who I will be and what I will and will not put up with in my life. I have learned that love though great in fairy tales isn't what I grew up thinking it would be like. I have learned that in the most darkest of moments who true friends really are. I have embraced the challenges of this path, I have pushed away the rocks that block the doorways that I must enter. Who I was 15 years ago (high school) is someone that I miss often but thankful for who she was. The person I am today will continue to grow, learn, love and trust but only by faith.
**Side note: Thankful, thankful thankful for friends. While I was in mid tears my cell phone rang and usually I won't answer it when I am writing, something about losing my train of thought-but the person that called doesn't usaually call me after 5...so I knew it wasn't normal. But it was a blessing because that person took my thoughts off all this saddness and helped me realize and see what was most important. For a brief moment everything seemed ok....thank you my dear dear friend!
I will take nothing for granted, I will embrace this day and be thankful for the next.
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