One year....all the change you want.

Well it's late and I can't sleep. I normally don't have a problem with this, but there is so much happening in my life that I can't shut myself down at night....at least not lately. So tonight as I was laying in bed figuring out how to process everything.....I decided to write or in this case blog. And I'm about to share right from the heart....nothing unusual since I do this all the time. But here it goes: Change. I love it....I really do and I feel that this season we are coming into has the most beautiful change you can ever hope for. It's the kind of change that sometimes takes your breath away. I like change, every form of it actually. What's the motto, if your not changing your not living?? Well I agree with that. Some change will be good and some won't. But what I realized is that this coming week for me represents a lot of change for me. 8 years ago there was a change that took place and it forever changed the course of my life...at the time I thought it was for the best.....5 years later it turned out to be the worst change in my life. A year ago I made a big change and ended a friendship with someone who had been nothing but hurtful in my life. At the time that decision to make that change I thought was so hard, so upsetting in my life but looking back over the last year I've realized that it was the best change I could make. Not having that person in my life this past year was actually allowing me to "live" and to really see things for what they are, trust people for what they say and learn more about me as a person then I could of ever if I would of kept that person in my life. I don't doubt that something in the coming week will happen that will be all about change. Just seems to be that time of year.....but this time I'm good with it. People come in and out of our lives for all sorts of reasons and what I've grown to realize is that I hold onto nothing because it can be taken away in a single breath. I've learned to stand tall, speak my mind, think before acting, smile when there is nothing else to do.....and pray. I spend a lot more time in my car even though I "get to work from home." Because of being in my car more it means a lot more time to think...to process....to understand. The other day I opened myself up to a friend for just some encouragement and what I got back was total frustration. Actually how this person responded made me realize that this person really never cared about me as a person but to bring me down because they where unhappy with their life. Normally in a situation like this I would write the person off but this time.....this time I took it for face value and moved on with life. Life won't stop, never has stopped for anyone and that won't change. I understand that a lot of this tonight is ramble to many-but that's ok with me, because right now it's what I have to get off my chest and out of my mind so I can sleep tonight. I'm always changing, I work in an industry that is always changing, my beautiful daughter is always changing, my day to day life is always changing and I am great with that. God never promised an easy life, I don't believe things need to be easy. But he did promise that He would get us through it. So I look at it this way, I might struggle, people will hurt me, I will have trials and uncertainties but no matter what He'll get me through it. Big or small, doesn't matter the problem.....that's pretty cool if you ask me! Well I think I'm tired enough to stop....you know the whole "stop while your ahead...". Don't be afraid of this season your going through, there are good things to come from it. That's a promise.

Just for today....

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime. JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine. JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot. JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer. JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. JUST FOR TODAY, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself. JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my outlook on life. I will encourage others and find the good in people. JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions. Just for today.......

Simple

I like simple, don't you? I like when things just seem to "fit" into place. No questions asked, it's just simple. Well lately my life has been anything OTHER then simple. It's been a mixed up bag of emotions, up and down unknowns and simple is out of the question. The other day I found myself face to face with conflict that really when you look back never needed to happen. Normally I'm the type that will fire back on emotion and will not realize the consequences of those replies till it's too late. But for the first time in a very long time I stopped.....and I waited. I waited 5 whole days before I gave my response. I totally understand that it's not always a good thing to wait that long, but I had too. I will say I did write what I wanted to say as soon as I received the conflict....but I saved it, I held onto it and over the 5 days that I waited I re read it, I edited it, I deleted parts of it and re wrote other parts....but I waited. And I had peace with it. I realized something about this, it was simple, it was clear and it was clean. What I mean by all that is that it was direct in what I wanted to say, it was clear in what I wrote, nothing was left to question and it was clean-I left out all and any emotion that could be associated with it. It felt great! It felt right, it was so needed too. I realized that I like simple, but it doesn't come around very often-so when it does I need to stop, enjoy that moment no matter what it is. And wait. I have a hard time waiting....at least lately. I am done with letting people control my emotions. If they want to be jerks, let them be jerks, but not in my life. If they want to pick a fight, let them pick a fight, but not in my life. If they want to be negative, let them be negative, but not in my life....see a pattern here! I am done being the door mate for peoples negative, jealous, selfish, controlling ways. I like simple, I want simple and that means cutting out individuals who don't bring simple to my life. That might be a loaded and harsh statement but it's true. All of us can get past the negatives of life, but many chose to stay in them, they chose to get wrapped up in it. I find it sad and depressing and chose-I chose to not live my life that way. Regarding the emotional side of life. I usually respond 80% on emotion and the other 20% on life. But I also realize too that if you get stuck in the emotional side all the time that life isn't fun, it's just stressful. I am not saying that you shouldn't act on emotion, but only when it's right. And I believe you know when it's right. I'm learning a lot about my life, the changing of it. I'm in the 7 year change and I'm excited about it. There are new things that I am not use to, but I'm accepting. There are things that I use to do that I put on the shelf for a long time, but now I'm taking them off and utilizing them. It feels great, this change-I just need simple......it's so much better that way.

The way I am

I love this picture....it brings a sense of peace and BOY OH BOY....I've needed it. It's been a world wind of busy since the beginning of the summer that if you where to ask me to write out or tell you all that has happened it would either look like a pile of melted crayons or just a blank page with the word "Well.."

But I can't complain because it's been a summer full of blessings. Yes just like every blessing there has been something that I wish wouldn't of happened, but then how would I of ever learned who I was, how I react, how to get through, how to pray...all that. So I have come to the conclusion that I will embrace what I have been given, I will love every moment-good or bad. I will treat each day as a gift...it's the way I am going to be.

Makayla started kindergarten and it just doesn't seem possible. 6 years at times felt like it took forever but then I look back and it is a blur. It seems just like yesterday that I received the news that I was going to be a mom and before I could take it all in she is off to school and if I don't enjoy this moment before to long she'll be graduating and leaving for college-starting off her adult life. Please time, slow down just a moment so I take nothing for granted and that I enjoy this life, this ride.

Today I met a dear friend for lunch and I enjoy these times with her. I feel like it's a good connection and that I walk away feeling blessed to know her, to have her in my life. While I was sitting at the restaurant waiting for her a song came on-it was country which means I usually zone out-it's just the way I am. But today I listened...and to be honest I liked the song. So much that I googled it and downloaded it to my phone. But it talked about love, having it and that we take nothing for granted, we enjoy the ride. We embrace every moment because one day we'll look back and wonder what happened to all this time we thought we had.

So enjoy the ride, love the moment and be who you are!

Soon

Soon one of my favorite times of year will be here...and we'll have change. Seems like we talk about Change a lot. But I love the 4 seasons. I love that we live in Ohio and that we get to experience in some way the 4 seasons. I love it, don't think I would ever move from that. Fall of course is my most favorite season of all, but I love the snow....I even like driving in it. :)

Over the last few weeks I've been keeping myself very busy with everything from work, new projects, volunteering, golf outings, you name it I'm in it. But I took some time the other day to stop and reflect on this time. I begin to think about how life was a year ago, how I was going through so much with a person who I thought was my best friend, but to find out that I had been fooled. I was really involved in activities, Makayla's day to day, losing weight, being with friends. What has changed-well everything outside of my family and day to day. Everything has changed, just like a season.

I am reminded daily that people are brought into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and right now....I'm going through the seasons stage. Sometimes it's easier to handle when I am really busy, it just changes and before I realize it I'm in a new season with friends, but other times when I have "time" on my hands to think about it, it saddens me. It makes me miss them, wonder why we didn't stay in each others lives for longer or what could of changed. But then I am reminded....reason, season, lifetime. Then I become very thankful for my lifetimes......

I can begin again...

I like this photo-it really reflects the daily life I lead. Things are always changing. But do you ever wonder what "Things" people refer to when they say "things are always changing." Sure the traffic light always changes, the time on the clock changes, our moods change, the amount of gas you have in your car changes....BUT is that the kind of things that change we are referring too? Not for me it isn't. The "Things" that I am referring too is life, my life, what's happening in my life.

When I was growing up the age old question was always asked...what do you want to do with your life when you get older, what do you want to be when you grow up? It was usually a teacher, a mother...something that meant something. I never said growing up that I wanted to be both the mom and dad....I always thought that my life would have the big house (ok medium size is good too) and the husband/wife team with the kids running around, both successful in their jobs, careers and making a difference in life. So the "things" that are forever changing in my life is that picture. But here's the thing about that picture...it's ok. I am ok with how life has been. What I would of thought, NOPE not in a million years. But because of all this I have learned who I truly 100% really am, how I really handle things, what I will and will not put up in life, what I struggle with, what my real hopes and fears really are. I have this really great thing-it's called change and I'm good with it.

So all that being said it brings me to this. Over a year ago I made a promise to change my life, lose weight and be real. And I'm going to be honest-I did it pretty well for a year and 1 month...then I fell off the path, rolled down the hill and landed face first in the mud. Life hit me good, from every angle really. Personally, financially, professionally and I gave in. I gave into the old habits, the old ways, what was easy and what was the past. I'm not proud of it by any means, but I have learned. I am getting back up, walking back up the hill and continuing the course....but paying for the stumble big time. So to my readers-if I still have any out there....keep me going, help me make this path right and make this part of my life count. I want to make a difference, I want to leave a legacy and I want to at the end of my life know that I did it for all the right reasons....Honoring HIM every day of my life by leading the best life and having a personal relationship with GOD. That's how I get through the "things are always changing".

Make it a good one, make it count.

Connected

What does it mean to be connected? Is being connected always a good thing or sometimes does it get out of hand. I'll be honest, I feel that sometimes I've been to connected to things and/or people. I know that sometimes I've relied on being connected to get me out of things, or put off what's really important. I have relied on being connected to email, facebook, my phone then actually friendships, relationships and things that really have meaning. It's hard sometimes to find the fine line between life and just a computer screen to justify a friendship or that your connected to someone on a "real" level.

I've been struggling with this lately. Actually wondering how many people I actually consider friends or how man do I consider friends because we text or email....I realize that the ones that I just email and text don't hold a flicker to the friends that I see, connect with, laugh with, cry with, support, stand beside, meet for coffee, listen too, pray for, love, care about...those friendships are what really matter. And I miss it. Don't get me wrong I have amazing, wonderful, loving, supportive friends. What I miss is the old fashion connection that once use to be. I remember it in college. About 12 years ago before Facebook, Cell phones and thinking because you text someone that's a good friendship. I remember what it was like to just call a friend up and go to Wal-Mart to kill time. I do that now sometimes...but people are to busy and we take the easy way out of what it really means to be friends. We think because we have technology to keep us connected that it's enough. I don't believe it is. I miss the way connecting use to be.....before what it meant to be "on line".

I've been humbled lately by watching my daughter. Sometimes to tears actually because of how she is so true and real with her friends. Yes she's 6 and has no clue what cell phone, email, facebook really means. She just hears us talk about it. But what I mean is that Makayla honestly at her age cares for her little friends. That at this age she gets it, my prayer is that she grows up never forgetting what it really means to connect with her friends with out all the gadgets and technology. We are always in a hurry that we hardly take time to just enjoy the ride. Really enjoy it.....I'm guilty of it. Sometimes I drive from point A to point B and don't even remember how I got there because I was on the phone or trying to make sure I didn't forget something.

So all this being said....I am making a goal to reach out to my friends and actually connect with them the way that it was always mean to be. The way that we should be, stop getting so wrapped up in text messaging, email, facebook....all that and spend time with them. We don't know if we'll have tomorrow and why would we want to spend it behind a computer "thinking" that we're really connecting with someone. Face to face, heart to heart, soul to soul is the way to really connect in this life. We get one shot, why not make it count.

So to all my friends that I in my life-thank you, thank you for sticking by me, I promise to make a better effort to be connected on a real level.

Make this day count.