In the glory

In the darkness of times sometimes it's hard to find the glory, to see the light at the end of the tunnel.....in the tunnel and waiting to see the light at the end of this tunnel I'm currently in.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Weight loss: -1 pounds

Total Weight loss: -108 pounds

I wish, I may, I wish I might.....

Have this wish I wish tonight....so true right! Wishes are a catch 22 I think. Here is the reason why. Lately I've been reading and hearing from people how they are "wishing" their lives away. They want to get to the next best thing instead of enjoying the moment that they have right now instead of missing it because they want the next best thing. The next vacation, the next relationship, the next job, the next something...you see what I'm saying.

But the next point of this is that a wish should never be taken lightly because wishes turn into someone's dreams and hopes. I came across this picture and found it very interesting. It's a wishing tree. People write their wishes and hopes on cards and hang them from a tree. Maybe it brings peace to that person's life or hope that they never had, but it's sort of symbolic because it’s like prayer but on a card. Wishes and dreams are never to be made fun of because they are someone’s to hold onto and believe in.

When we believe in those wishes and hopes, eventually they will become reality and then you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Enjoy the moment, they are only for a minute...stop wishing your life away and start loving it.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -107 pounds * I was unable to weigh myself this morning due to being distracted by a spider in my bathroom. Though I know he was "more" afraid of me then I should be of him,(that's a conversation for another day) I was still unable to remember all I needed to do this morning...I was afraid he would run my way or something. See now you know how much I don't like spiders :) Make it a fantastic day.

To be 10

Do you remember what it were like to be 10? When you finally arrived at the double digits, no longer a small child but beginning the journey into your young adult life? Seems like yesterday doesn't it. ;) Well today, on this beautiful morning my niece is turning 10 years old. It feels just like yesterday that she arrived in this world. And now she is celebrating her 10th birthday. Doesn't seem possible, but so excited for her!

There are certain birthdays that are more "important" then others. But those that know me well know that every birthday is as important as the next. 5, 10, 15, 16, 18, 21, 25, 30... all very special birthdays. I think it's important to celebrate, celebrate big. A birthday is meant to be special, cherished and lots of good memories made from those moments.

Life is already to short, why not celebrate even the smallest things...I do! :)

Happy Birthday Emma! I love you, you are going to be such a beautiful young lady and I am so thankful that you are in our lives! Happy Birthday!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -108 pounds

One way or.........

I don't know too many people who wouldn't tell you that as a child they loved to swing. I think if I was allowed I could have been on the swing for hours. I always like to see how high I could get, but I'd never follow through with it because I was scared of heights and even though the swing set seemed like it was strong enough I never fully put my trust in it. In the back of my mind I would think that something would give and I'd fall or the swing would break. Yes these are the thoughts that tend to run through my mind.

Something in the last sentence is still so very real and true in my life today. Letting go and trusting. Not being able to put my full trust into something or someone. It's human nature for sure, some of us trust people 100% in the beginning till they give you a reason not to trust them. Others don't trust till it's earned. For me, it depends on the situation and the person. But lately, I've had a hard time finding a balance between the two. I want to trust, but in my mind I'm back on the swing, wanting to go as high as I can, but not being able to trust that the swing would hold out.

My trust issues have been encouraged this past week with answers to prayer. Not for me, but for other people in my life. I am so excited to celebrate these blessings and answers to prayer. It reminds me that I need to keep moving forward, to pray, to swing as high as I can and to not be afraid. How high is your swing going to take you?

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -107 pounds

On the shores of...

There are just a few places in life that I would have to say give my heart a fresh start, my mind a clear slate and my spirit joy. Not many people know of this place but my family sure does. As a young child my parents would take us every few summers and I use to get so tan..that's beside the point. (Maybe someday I'll share the picture of how dark I use to get)

But this place is quiet, peaceful and beautiful. It can take you back in time; it can transport you out of the main stream hassle and bustle. The other great part is that you have minimal cell service so you where not always "connected". That part I really enjoyed.

If there was one place that I would chose to retire and live the rest of my life at it would be in this place. It would be in an old house by the ocean....the type that has the big open windows and you wouldn't really need to use the air condition because the breeze from the ocean would be enough to keep you cool.

I haven't even told you where this place is...but hopefully I've described it in such a way that you'd want to visit, and you too might stay for good. I look forward to the day that I'll get a chance to take Makayla again and share with her all the memories I had as a young girl on the beaches of Cape May, NJ. ;) *This picture is taken from the shores of the ocean I grew up in love with.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -107 pounds

Here begins all the questions...

A few days ago I was reading someone's blog and they where talking about how GOD knew long before our lives even began that we'd go through the trails, the unknowns, the heart ache, the pain, the tears...So I began to think about my own life.....and I'm about to get even more personal.

I thought about this statement over and over in my head. I thought, "So GOD knew that when I was a little girl dreaming of my "future" husband I'd some day meet my ex husband, it wouldn't work out and we'd divorce." Then after that thought the word WHY came to mind. You might be saying to yourself, of course Amanda He knows it all and let's us walk through life and go through these bumps to trust Him..yes I agree with that. But an all loving GOD would let my heart break more then once in my life, struggle with image issues, struggle with being accepted, struggle with...whatever it may be...but He allowed/allows those things because HE....loves me.

What a concept right. Go through pain, hurt, trials, death of a loved one and/or friend, uncertain....but love me unconditionally. Love me more than any person on this earth. Allow me to learn about me and what I am all about. Before any tear touched my face, it passed through His hands. Unconditional love. Unfailing love, love that goes beyond my comprehension. Amazing love.

I'm learning new lessons daily with this journey of weight, self image and discovery...I am thankful for His love...


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -106 pounds

Even in the rain

The part about being real...well sometimes it's hard to show all your cards, to let other people know how it really is. This is raw emotion we're talking about....the kind that you don't just share lightly.

Last night I spent some time in the middle of the kitchen listening to some worship songs, having a moment with GOD and crying. Not just a few tears but like when it's pouring the rain outside tears. There comes a point in our lives that we just can't hold it all in anymore and it has to come out, for me it comes out in a big way. I prayed...I prayed for the strength to stand up, to be strong and to see clearly what HE is trying to teach me. I prayed for patience because I don't have anymore, I prayed for wisdom as I feel like I've lost my path and I prayed for healing because my heart is heavy. I heard someone once say that right when you’re about to "fall" GOD pulls you back just in time. Last night I felt like I was falling...this morning I feel like GOD has pulled me back.

Just like the picture above I am the flower in the middle of a pretty intense rain storm. I'm getting pounded with rain and at some points between the rain and the wind I'm not sure I'm strong enough to hold myself up. But I fight, I fight hard to not be brought down, I stand tall because I know that it won't last forever.....

Then when the rain has past and the sun comes out, I lift my eyes to the heavens and thank HIM once again for seeing my through the storm. Each of us face different storms daily, some only last a few minutes while others last years. Some of them will end with sun and other won't ever end. But through it all we must never forget to lift our eyes upward and know that no matter how strong the rains come or how crazy the winds will get, HE will never let you fall...HE will pull you back. What an awesome reminder of amazing love...don't be afraid of the rain.

Weight loss: -3 pounds

Total Weight loss: -106 pounds