On the shores of...

There are just a few places in life that I would have to say give my heart a fresh start, my mind a clear slate and my spirit joy. Not many people know of this place but my family sure does. As a young child my parents would take us every few summers and I use to get so tan..that's beside the point. (Maybe someday I'll share the picture of how dark I use to get)

But this place is quiet, peaceful and beautiful. It can take you back in time; it can transport you out of the main stream hassle and bustle. The other great part is that you have minimal cell service so you where not always "connected". That part I really enjoyed.

If there was one place that I would chose to retire and live the rest of my life at it would be in this place. It would be in an old house by the ocean....the type that has the big open windows and you wouldn't really need to use the air condition because the breeze from the ocean would be enough to keep you cool.

I haven't even told you where this place is...but hopefully I've described it in such a way that you'd want to visit, and you too might stay for good. I look forward to the day that I'll get a chance to take Makayla again and share with her all the memories I had as a young girl on the beaches of Cape May, NJ. ;) *This picture is taken from the shores of the ocean I grew up in love with.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -107 pounds

Here begins all the questions...

A few days ago I was reading someone's blog and they where talking about how GOD knew long before our lives even began that we'd go through the trails, the unknowns, the heart ache, the pain, the tears...So I began to think about my own life.....and I'm about to get even more personal.

I thought about this statement over and over in my head. I thought, "So GOD knew that when I was a little girl dreaming of my "future" husband I'd some day meet my ex husband, it wouldn't work out and we'd divorce." Then after that thought the word WHY came to mind. You might be saying to yourself, of course Amanda He knows it all and let's us walk through life and go through these bumps to trust Him..yes I agree with that. But an all loving GOD would let my heart break more then once in my life, struggle with image issues, struggle with being accepted, struggle with...whatever it may be...but He allowed/allows those things because HE....loves me.

What a concept right. Go through pain, hurt, trials, death of a loved one and/or friend, uncertain....but love me unconditionally. Love me more than any person on this earth. Allow me to learn about me and what I am all about. Before any tear touched my face, it passed through His hands. Unconditional love. Unfailing love, love that goes beyond my comprehension. Amazing love.

I'm learning new lessons daily with this journey of weight, self image and discovery...I am thankful for His love...


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -106 pounds

Even in the rain

The part about being real...well sometimes it's hard to show all your cards, to let other people know how it really is. This is raw emotion we're talking about....the kind that you don't just share lightly.

Last night I spent some time in the middle of the kitchen listening to some worship songs, having a moment with GOD and crying. Not just a few tears but like when it's pouring the rain outside tears. There comes a point in our lives that we just can't hold it all in anymore and it has to come out, for me it comes out in a big way. I prayed...I prayed for the strength to stand up, to be strong and to see clearly what HE is trying to teach me. I prayed for patience because I don't have anymore, I prayed for wisdom as I feel like I've lost my path and I prayed for healing because my heart is heavy. I heard someone once say that right when you’re about to "fall" GOD pulls you back just in time. Last night I felt like I was falling...this morning I feel like GOD has pulled me back.

Just like the picture above I am the flower in the middle of a pretty intense rain storm. I'm getting pounded with rain and at some points between the rain and the wind I'm not sure I'm strong enough to hold myself up. But I fight, I fight hard to not be brought down, I stand tall because I know that it won't last forever.....

Then when the rain has past and the sun comes out, I lift my eyes to the heavens and thank HIM once again for seeing my through the storm. Each of us face different storms daily, some only last a few minutes while others last years. Some of them will end with sun and other won't ever end. But through it all we must never forget to lift our eyes upward and know that no matter how strong the rains come or how crazy the winds will get, HE will never let you fall...HE will pull you back. What an awesome reminder of amazing love...don't be afraid of the rain.

Weight loss: -3 pounds

Total Weight loss: -106 pounds

Power of a word...

It only takes one word....One word to change your thoughts, your feelings, your actions, your mood, your conversation, your direction in life, your passion...one word. Words are so powerful and sometimes we forget exactly how powerful they really are. Words can cut like a knife or they can heal a broke heart.

Word come in all different meanings and can be used in so many different situations. I was faced with a word the other day...pride. It's a word that I don't hear often because no one really likes to admit it or talk about it. But the other day was faced with it head on. The definitions of Pride: a feeling of self-respect and personal worth satisfaction with your (or another's) achievements; "he takes pride in his son's success" the trait of being spurred on by a dislike of falling below your standards a group of lions be proud of; "He prides himself on making it into law school" unreasonable and inordinate self-esteem (personified as one of the deadly sins.

Some of the definitions of pride are right on with how we treat each day; we take pride in our families, our careers, they way we act. But sometimes pride isn't used for the betterment of other people or situations; it's used to hurt, to think that we're better then someone or something else. And we let pride fester in our lives and begin to make us unattractive to other people and situations. I faced this the other day, by myself, in my own thoughts. No one else knew I was dealing with it, but in my heart and in my mind I was. I was actually having a battle because my head didn't think I had a pride issue but my heart did...in the end my heart won and I had to really committee this to pray and change. I come to realize that this was effecting a lot of my thoughts lately and that had to stop. Pride can be a good thing when used in the right way, but it can have negative effects if it gets out of control.

What word are you battling with, or embracing for good. Let's not forget that our words can effect...do affect other people daily. Be careful and mindful of what we say and how we say it because you never know when that one word can change a persons view or life for good...or for worse.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -104 pounds

I will never be the same again...

"I will never be the same again, I can never return, I've closed the door. I will walk the path, I'll run the race. And I will never be the same again." If you are familiar with this song you've probably sung it when you've had a pretty powerful experience or something that has touched your life...you feel that you will never be the same again. I feel that way today, it's a feeling that these choices, decisions and paths that I am taking, that I am walking...I'll never be the same again.

It's pretty exciting to walk through this. I will never be the same again, I will NEVER return, I've closed the door. I WILL walk the path, I'll RUN the race and I will NEVER be the same again. All the unknowns, all the paths we walk will change us, good or bad, doesn't matter. We are changed.

I am really looking forward to the opportunity to share with you what path I've been on, what race I'm running. The one that I'll be changed and will never be the same again.

This past weekend I had an opportunity to be apart of a retreat with 20-30 ladies that I had never met before in my life. What a humbling experience, what an honor to be invited into their lives, to hear their stories and for my life to be touched by their "races". In the next few days I'll share some key points that I took away from this weekend and how I'll use them to strengthen my race.

Run well....for it will forever change you :)

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Weight loss: -103 pounds

The road of life...

This picture really describes my life lately. Even the blue skies and big puffy clouds...The lane is ending in a certain part of my life and I have to make a decision. I've been blogging about this a lot lately and I am really hoping that sooner then later I'll have a chance to share with you all that's been going on.

But for now my journey on the road of life has a lot of uncertainty and I'm watching my speed. Over the last 4-5 months I've been checking my rear view mirrors to make sure that I'm not repeating anything from my past but I failed to control the new distractions coming my way. The good part about this road is that it's straight, the goal is in sight and I'm praying and hoping that I'll be taking a new exit really soon...a new path, maybe the back roads this time. Nothing wrong with getting off the main road and enjoying the ride. And I'm ready; I need to enjoy the ride.

I look forward to the blog that I can share all that's been going on and stop keeping you in the dark...I want to shed some light on all this!

Yesterday was a new day, a re charge of my weight loss journey. I'm happy to say that I stuck to my plan and I didn't give into old temptations, though they where very present and real in my life. We shall see what today brings...open to new temptations and challenges but I will not run away..I'll face them head on and come out victories...I promise!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -100 pounds

It's time to get real....

You might want to get a cup of coffee though no sugar or creamer...actually makes it hot tea with no sugar. Either way this might be a long blog.....

I made commitment not only to myself but to those who would follow my progress in this journey to lose weight.... I made a promise that I'd be real and honest with where I was headed, what I was doing and what I was going through. So here it is...I spent the whole winter (4 months exactly) not following the plan, not doing the good habits that I needed to continue, staying focused on the goal at hand, not listening to my "new" me and I have an epic FAIL. Yes, I said fail...I have let myself once again slip back into the "old ways" and feel that it was ok to do that...that some how the weight would just keep coming off if I went back to how I use to live....FAIL, I have failed myself and my commitment to a healthier me....

I stepped onto the scales today to realize that I am on a back slide into a number that I no longer want to be in! I made myself a promise that I'd never see that number again, but it seems that my promises to myself didn't really mean as much to me as it should of. It's happening because I become lazy and complacent with what I was doing in my life. I'm allowing the frustrations of my career, relationships, personal life and financials be my excuse as to why I can't focus on my weight loss...POOR excuse I must say..it's called life and I MUST deal! I made excuses as to why I'd have that slice of pizza x 3 and/or having that piece of chocolate x 8....because well I gave into the old habits that I once despised.

SO today is a new day and though I now have to make up some serious and major changes, I know that I will, I WILL! No longer can, want to....I WILL.

This pattern, these choices are unacceptable to me. I worked so hard in the beginning to keep this lifestyle and I let myself become lazy and complacent. This isn't a rip me a part blog..so please don't view it that way, I am just being honest and real with myself and to those who care so much about me and this journey. That was my promise to me and to you.

So today...this beautiful day that I've been given is a new beginning, a new start to what I've already committed too. Back to the basics of what I must do, what I did that was right. Once and for all I will kick this habit of weight for good. I knew it would be hard, but old habits, old thoughts die hard...they don't want to let go of me and now I will work extra hard to get this taken care of. I can no longer face my day to day with a so so attitude...I MUST embrace it, I WILL take hold of it and let NOTHING come in between my goal of being healthier and getting this weight GONE!

TO my readers...thank you for your encouragement, support and walking along side me during all this. I am committed to seeing this through once again...don't give up on me...this will make me stronger then before. This 4 month "don't care" mentality that I had is no longer acceptable in my life. Keep me accountable...Keep my feet to the fire and let's see the end results!

Weight loss: New Beginning

Total Weight loss: Starting New.....GO TEAM!

Let's run this race ONCE and for ALL