Love....hmm

I heard this song a few days ago by JJ Heller...I highly suggest that you Google it or YouTube it...whatever, just listen to this song. All the words ring very true in my life and I have found myself asking the very question Who will love me for me....but at the end of the day I am reminded that Christ will love me for me, no matter what. When the rest of the world has turned their backs on me, when the last guy has hurt me, or when a friend no longer is a friend, when I don't think I am loveable anymore...HE will love me for me. No matter what.

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please…
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner then he would’ve stayed

Who’ll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you

Marriage....

Who doesn't love a wedding...who doesn't like to pick out flowers and cake. Who doesn't like picking out rings, the dress, the colors and telling the story of how you met and how he asked you to join him in this life? Who doesn't want to join together with another human and committee their lives together, forever? Personally, I love all that. I love the wedding, I love the planning, and I love the marriage...I've been through it already in life...

All that being side the second time around is totally different then the first. It's taken many years for me to even decide if I'd want to re marry again...that's only something for me to know :) But I will tell you this; if it would ever happen again I wouldn't be getting married because I "needed" a man in my life. BUT it will be because he would see my strengths and my skills and would come alongside me and live our lives together. Besides me, walking together in this life. That's what I'd want and if that's not possible then I'll be just fine in this life.

I know and believe that no matter what happens from here on out I'll be just fine, I will be ok...I never needed a marriage to define who I was, I thought I did a long time ago. But I learned a lot about whom I was and what I wanted in this life, the cool thing is if there is a second time around then it will be with someone who's my best friend and will walk alongside me through the rest of our lives....

It would be a pretty amazing walk to say the least ;)

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -114 pounds

Country...hmm

So lately I've been listening to country music...if you know me well this is something I just don't do, never have, never liked it. Always felt like it was about some guy taking some other guys dog while he was sitting on his porch watching his lady leave in his truck while drinking a beer...yeah I could be some what right with that statement. But what I have realized while listening to it now is that it's pure, it's honest and it's telling everything that all of us want to say but don't have the nerve to say right.

I came across this song tonight and wow..it was just an eye opener for me. It's pure, it's real and it's everything that I'd want to tell someone...if you haven't heard it, check it out, Rascal Flats is really good!

I Won't Let Go

It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost
On your own
You're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
And we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah, I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No, I won't

Do you see what I see...

You see a car....I see an opportunity. Maybe you know, maybe you don't but I need a new ride. The current vehicle that I have has been more then good to me. My Jeep has been safe for me...really...it (along with a lot more things) helped save my life a few years ago when I was in a car accident. I love it...but I also don't love it. Due to the gas prices lately it's been a thorn in my side. BIG TIME. But it's also time to part ways.

All easier said then done. I can't afford another car let alone can I even think about it. I have to make due with what I have and pray that a new opportunity arises. Yesterday I was out driving and thinking...I do that a lot lately. But I was thinking about this opportunity and what I needed in my life at the moment and something hit me. Honestly I really think it was a GOD thing, HE helped clear my mind for this idea to come rushing in. As much as I'd like to share it right now, I can't. BUT the really cool thing about this idea was it is possible with the right people behind it and all the right idea's to fall into place. This opportunity is very possible.

This is one of the things I love about life. When there seems like no hope, no answers, and no outlets, something...something comes to mind, a possibility, an opportunity happens and it makes all those unknowns come to life...and once again you believe.

Think outside the box, you'd be surprised what you'd come up with!

No Routine

Boy I've been MIA with this whole blog thing lately. And I apologize because if you have ever had a moment that you think you've said that before, that just happened. Maybe I have said that line before...apologize if I have.

But now I realize what happens to your life when you have no routine...not following the rest of life as it happens, you get all out of sorts. I am totally all out of sorts right now. My focus is good, my heart is right but I am not getting back into the swing of things, the swing of my life has stopped for the moment. And it's frustrating!

I have this gym membership that I am so glad to have, love going but because of $$$ and lack of it I haven't gone since last Monday. NOT GOOD! I can totally tell how it's effecting me. I am losing that energy, that feel good energy and it's not a good thing at all.

I'm sorting out a lot of things at the moment. Not just this working out thing, but I have been doing a lot of thinking...a lot as in, that's all I find myself doing these days...thinking. It could be a good thing for most people but for me it's when the doubt starts to set in, it's when I start to second guess many of the decisions or lack of decisions in my life. I've been in this spot before and I've come out of it a stronger person, I am hoping this time around I could be wonder woman...just saying. :)

I need to get back to my routine, I won't allow my life to be stopped now, I won't allow things that have never been a problem, be a problem. I won't let this focus I once had be broken......

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -114 pounds

I'm here, I'm here.

Was given a reminder this morning that it's never my plan but it's GOD'S plan...always. I'm out of a routine so it's hard to get back into it....I know it will come, I know it will all come back together...this is just s speed bump.

Make it a great weekend.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -114 pounds

Back at it....again

So after a week of being a slacker...ok not really a slacker, just super busy I made it back to the gym yesterday. It felt great. Today...haven't made it in, but I still have 4 more days till the new week starts :)

I have realized something about myself. I fight with me. Let me explain. Yesterday before I went to the gym I went through every reason I shouldn't, couldn't go. Each reason was petty and I fought back with a reason why I needed to. At the end, my "good" side won. I told myself that I am not doing this for anyone else, I'm not doing this for anyone's good, I am doing this for me and that I have to do it. There is NO other choice. I didn't realize that this inner battle that I am dealing with is getting louder...not just on the working out, but on a lot of areas of my life.

I'm strong, not just outward but inward. Yes I have my moments, everyone does but I made a decision long ago (a year now) that I wouldn't let myself lose the battle...the battle of negative thoughts, down talk or talking myself out of things. I am committed to the end, to the final result; I am in it to win it. YEP it's corny but it's true! I am in this to see everything through...one life, once chance, no do over’s-so get in the game and get it done. :)

Weight loss: 0

Weight loss: -114 pounds