Happy New Year

Wishing you and yours a very wonderful start to 2011! Happy New Year!

Rolling in...

I came across this picture this week and was amazed by it. This is a storm rolling in and if you look closely there is a small sail ship heading right for it. I could only imagine the fear in the people on the sail boat, wondering how they would make it through this storm...I feel like that with this past year...how did I make it through, how did I survive this past year? So many thing happened and there where at times storms that I had no idea how to get through. But with GOD on my side and leading the way we made it through. Sometimes the boat was almost destroyed, we still made it. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on the shore looking out across the ocean to see a large storm heading right for me....some storms take awhile to make it to shore, others roll across quickly....but no matter what storm we're facing I cling to Christ. It's that simple...in all things, I cling to Him. I don't know what the new year will bring, but I hope it's joy, peace and blessings to all of our lives. We will have storms...you can count on it, but know who you'll cling to!

Happy New Year to you and your families! Celebrate the small things that have gotten you to this place and realize that better things are to come when you take the time to be thankful! I'm thankful for each of you and how your lives have influenced mine.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -127 pounds

Getting yourself out...

Just like this picture, which was from this past weekends blizzard the east coast had...but this picture I feel symbolizes life. We always seem like we are shoveling ourselves out of something. Our jobs, families, friends, weight, addictions. It's always something that we're needing to take a shovel and dig out from whatever put us there. I feel that way with the years of the "not caring" attitude I gave towards the way I looked and my weight. Finally this past year I was given the "right" shovel and I began digging myself out. It feels good, it's hard work and it hasn't been easy. But the reward is so worth it!

I was looking at this picture and I thought to myself that after this man gets all the snow off his car and drives to where ever he's going, he better hope that his space that he worked so hard on is still there when he returns...just a thought!

Make this a great day to start digging out of things that are holding you back.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -127 pounds

What did you get for Christmas...

I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends! We have so much to be thankful for and so much to be giving praises towards. Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? I know I did...but see it wasn't the presents that you unwrapped I wanted, what I wanted for Christmas was to have a Christmas filled with laughter and one that had lots of joy and guess what, I got that! It was great! Of course though I ate like it was my responsibility to do so, that was frustrating but I am not discouraged because I'll get back to where I was and continue on the right path...though the cookies, food and all the stuff in between was MMMM good! HA!

Enjoy the last 5 days we have of 2010....I plan to make the most of this year, but will be glad to put it behind me and start with a brand new year that is full of great opportunities and possibilities!

Weight loss: +3 YIKES!

Total weight loss: -126 pounds

Merry Christmas!

Sending you a picture of something sweet...just look, don't eat. :) I want to take a moment to wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas. I hope that your day is filled with love, joy and grace. Let us not forget the reason for the season and rejoice in the blessings we've been given. Eat a cookie or two :)

Not sure I will be updating till Monday...but enjoy your time with family and friends!


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -129 pounds

Routine

When I get out of my routine I forget to do things, like blog...I missed yesterday. I think I have a lot of short term memory because I thought of it yesterday during the day but then of course forgot about it. Oh well, yesterday is the past and today is what matters.

I'm in the midst of doing a lot of thinking again. This time it's about those in my life and my surroundings. Nothing that I'd like to share at this time, but maybe down the road I will. I hope that this Christmas season you and your family are blessed and have overwhelming joy in your life. Cherish every moment!

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Weight loss: -1

Total Weight loss: -129 pounds

You did what?

Ok so this weekend I ate like it was my job! Not sure what that was all about but it needs to stop. Of course the holiday's are the worst time of the year because we "justify" why we eat the way we do! At least I do, I think to myself..well I've done so well...so I can have that other cookie or eat something I don't normally do. I MUST stop that thinking because if I'm not careful then the 128 pounds I've lost will be for nothing. Cookies of any type are my down fall and this is the worst of it. BUT I will keep moving forward, stop eating like it's my job and move forward!

Enjoy your baking and instead of giving me cookies, just send me a picture! :)


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -128 pounds

It's in the little things

I don't really have a lot for today...just know that it's in the little things that matter the most. I will embrace this!

Can't say I'm happy about getting on the scales this morning and seeing something I haven't seen in a long time...I gained 2 pounds....BUT it's not the end of the world, I'll get rid of those as fast as they came on. :)

Weight loss: +2

Total Weight loss: -128 pounds.

Some day's are better then others

Waking up at 4 in the morning is never a fun thing for me. I find that the only reason I am up that early is because I have a lot on my mind. That is the case this morning. I couldn't shut my brain off long enough to sleep another hour or so before I had to get up. I thought about Christmas, work, family, my life, people, friends and everything in between. Not really sure why this happens, but when it does it's a reminder that one, I need to be praying and two that there is some lesson that I am to be learning right now......unsure as to what it is, but I will wait and see. :)

May this day be full of blessings to you and your family!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -130 pounds! FINALLY!!!!

Temptation

So I log onto my facebook page today and I am welcomed by this picture....

Really!!!!! Talk about temptation at it's finest. All I could do was to ckick out as fast as I could. For some reason I wanted to just drive to the Cheesecake Factory and order a piece. Interesting how pictures, images can do that to us. Over the last few days I've been looking through the photo albums that I have on my facebook and remembering some good times, some not so good times...but realizing how much has really changed. How people, situations, locations have changed. I love change!

Enjoy the day...dont' be tempted to eat the image! HA

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight Loss: -129 pounds.

New years...

3 weeks it will be a new year. Doesn't seem possible! What new years resolutions will you be making? I can honestly say that this year for the first time I won't be making a new years resolutions to lose weight. I'm pretty excited about that. Mainly for the fact that it won't be my main focus. Maybe for the first time I can focus on something of more importance...not that weight is not. Please don't get me wrong. But what I'm trying to say is that for years that's all I've been focused on and for the first time I might be able to think of something else. I'm very thankful to be putting this part of my life behind me and moving onto other things. It feels great!

So I wonder what things will I want to make better, improve in 2011. I believe that this year for a lot of us will be a year of trials. The economy has tanked and all of us are just one step away from a major catastrophe. Each day I am thankful for that day, I no longer plan for the "future" because we are only given today. I would encourage, challenge each of you to find something in your life that you've been putting off...for whatever reason and make a decision to take care of it this year, finish it, start it, whatever "it" is...don't wait.

I'll think about this and in the next few days I will let you know what my "it" is and together we'll make this a successful, meaning 2011~

Enjoy the weather...love the snow!

Weight loss: +1 pound

Total Weight loss: -128 pounds. *Maybe I'll lose those 2 pounds I need to put a 1 infront of my weight!

Weather like this...

Boy oh Boy...weather like this makes me want to stay in and eat. What gives? Not sure if it's the cold outside or just the fact that when the weather gets like this, you can't just go out and do things...so yesterday I found myself starting to graze and I am paying for it this morning. I feel ugh! I don't want to get into that habit nor do I want to have this be the norm this holiday season. So I am going to find something to keep me busy....

Thankful for yesterday, had the chance to have lunch with two very special people in my life. It was good to catch up, know how to pray for one another and be encouraged by our lives. GOD is good all the time!


Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -129 pounds.

9 months

So I've been at this journey for 9 months. Sometimes it doesn't seem possible, other dys it just seems like yesterday. But so thankful and so glad that I continue to move forward with it.

** This was from yesterday:

Today I took a break from cold calling and stopped at a Starbucks to check my email and grab a venti hot chocolate. I had stopped at this Starbucks about 2-3 months ago while I was in the area. Today I went to order and the very nice barista says to me, “you’re the venti hot chocolate, extra hot right, no whip and skim milk girl?” You could have pushed me over with a feather! Really, how in the world did he know that? I mean he talks to hundreds of people and makes hundreds of differnet drinks and combinations...so how? I had only been here once before but that was months ago. Once I closed my mouth and said yes, I asked how in the world did you know that? His response, it’s my job to know my customers. That’s just it, we are on this earth to get to know people, how the click, what they do and how they work. That’s our job. He’s just really good at it. I stepped away with my perfect drink and thought to myself if I could just remember where I put my keys that would be a success. But in all seriousness, we are made to care for one another; we are made to remember each other. We’re made to make each other smile. So get to know those around you and take nothing for granted!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -129 pounds

Another pant size!

Nothing like waking up this morning and putting on a smaller pant size! Love it! I feel great and I am so thankful to be in this size again. I've been here before but it was years and years ago. SO good to be back. :) Of course I look forward to trying out the other smaller sizes too!

Small things like this make up for when we feel ugh or just down right frustrated. It's the small things that we need to cling too and embrace. Today I will embrace my new size pants and make this a good day!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weidth loss: -129 pounds.

Few little words

Today is one of those very busy days, so here's the update. Hope everyone is having a great day!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -128 pounds.

Changing the habit

I'm wrestling right now with an old habit. It was a habit that I thought I had gotten rid of or moved past it. But it's the habit that isn't visible to anyone else, it's the habit of "talking down" to myself. The self defeating talk. Why did it come back, why didn't it go away for good when I started all this. I thought I had worked really hard to get rid of it, but it's been for a few days. I caught myself looking at myself in the mirror today saying to myself why haven't I reached my goal, I won't get there...all negative talk. But then I stopped myself and thought this is crazy, look where I've come, where I'm headed. That's to be remembered and embraced. I think a lot of times this time of year and just life in general makes us think those things....I don't need the habit back! Then I stepped on the scales and lost another pound...that's when I tell the negative part to go bye bye!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -128 pounds.

One step at a time

This time of year is a great reminder that when we're dealing with snow, clod and ice that we have to watch our steps, walk slowly and carefully. Just like in life, we take things slowly, carefully and walk with ease. Sometimes though doing all that doesn't stop us from falling down. Sometimes it just happens even thought we're doing everything right. It just happens, we fall down, we slip but we get up. Maybe a little bruised, maybe a little hurt, but we always get back up. The point is that we might do everything we can to take it easy, to be careful but sometimes we lose our footing.

I feel like that today, I feel like I've been "careful and walking slowly" though all this over the last 9 months but in the last few weeks I have fallen, slipped on the ice but I've gotten back up. I continue to move forward, to stay focused and no matter how much snow, ice or whatever falls I will recover.

Enjoy this weather...no matter where you are!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -127 pounds.

Why yes, yes I will

Make this a great day! Not a lot on my mind this morning or really going on. This week, my birthday week has been excellent! So thankful that this year was WAY better then last year. Blessed by so many people and so many wonderful things this past week. I have so much to be thankful for, and I am!

My 93 year old Grandma sent me a birthday card and it was one of the best, I'd like to share it with you:

How to Live Well: Birthday advice for a wonderful granddaughter.

May you keep getting to know yourself better-and keep loving what you discover.
May you never stop learning, growing, dreaming.
May you travel to places you've always wanted to go-and find yourself right at home wherever you are.
May you take up something new-or something old that you put aside once upon a time.
May you take good care of yourself in every possible way- and let those who love you take care of you now and then, too.
May you remember all the happiness you've known and believe with all your heart that some of your best joys are yet to come.
May you live each day like you've only begun.
But most of all, may you never forget how deeply you are loved.

Priceless and will cherish this card!

Weight loss: 0 pounds

Total Weight loss: -127 pounds.

Where did the time go...

The day has gotten away from me for the moment...but the snow is falling and SO is my weight! Woo Hoo, glad to get up this morning and be down 2 more pounds. For the last 3 weeks I feel like I've been back and forth on things and finally it seems like I was able to break that cycle! Now I'm down 127 pounds and my final goal is so much closer then it's ever been in my life. Being 32 so far has been good to me! I hope it continues.

Make the rest of the day even better!

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -127 pounds.

Good things to come...

So 32…here I am, I’ll be interested to see what this year brings. I hope that it’s way better then last year and that I can look back when I’m 33 and say this was a great year. I hope that this year I continue to learn more about myself and really feel like I am going places. I want to make a difference, I want to have the chance to be able to give back in a way that I have never had the chance to do so. I continue to pray that I will stay focused with my weight loss and I continue to pray that my life, my family, my friends lives will be strengthened and blessed this year. I hope that I continue to do right in all that I do. This is a year that I want positive more then the negatives to be apart of our lives.

It was great to celebrate with one less person this year! I won't be inviting that person back...ever! Thankful for this change, for how I feel and where I'm headed.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds

32 years ago today...

A little girl arrived in this world....that's me! 32 years, sometimes doesn't seem possible that I am this age...it has already been a day full of blessings. Everything from getting emails, texts and phone calls wishing me a happy birthday, my life is blessed. A year ago things where not as good as they are now, I was heading in a direction that wasn't where I needed to be and I'm so thankful that I changed those ways, I'm thankful that I have basically been given a second at making things right and making life better. We get one shot at this and we need to make the most of all of it.

32 years, there is a lot to reflect on and then figure out where to head from here. But I sit here today thankful, pleased and blessed. I have a wonderful family, an amazing little girl, great friends, health, a job and most importantly my faith in Christ. I will continue to move forward with all that He has given me and know that no matter what is brought into my life, we'll make it through. I'm really looking forward to getting to my goal weight and seeing the final result of hard work and determination. I only have 38 more pounds to go and then I can "close" this chapter in my life and go onto a new goal. :)

Have a blessed day and enjoy it! You know I will be.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds

364 days

Well today is my last day being 31 and I'm excited to get a new number. This past year has been full of new numbers for me. Everything from my job, to my pant size...all these numbers have been changing. I'm glad to put 31 behind me and look forward to seeing what 32 has to hold.

I have to admit that I haven't been focused on my weight in the last week. Not sure if it was the holidays or what but I ate like it was my job and this morning I felt guilty. I noticed that I let some old habits back in over the last few days and that's not acceptable for me. So I'm going to re focus myself and get back to what I know is right.

Many things where reflected over the last few days and I have to just say that I am so thankful, so blessed with my life. Sometimes it's overwhelming or holds a lot of unknowns, but that's ok because it helps to make me stronger...makes me realize what blessings I have.

Join with me today to celebrate a new 365 days tomorrow~

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -124 pounds

How will you spend it?

Well another successful and full of love Thanksgiving is in the books. I was thankful that we had the chance to celebrate Thanksgiving with my older brother Chad, his wife Jen and their little girl Elle. We had a good time being together and for me it was another realization that simple is always the best. SO many things to be thankful for and I continue to pray that no matter what we will never forget.

We had great food yesterday and I have to say that I over did it a little. I was feeling it last night, but it was 1 day, not that we eat that way everyday...at lease I hope we don't. But when I got on the scales it didn't lie, it was honest and exactly how I felt about yesterday, thankful and full!

Have a blessed weekend enjoying your families, being blessed and getting ready for the next celebration! Only 24 more days till Christmas....makes you freak doesn't it! :)

Weight loss: +2

Total Weight loss: -124 pounds

Another year older....wiser...not so much.

Last night I took a moment to read through my journal. I don't do that often, mainly because it makes me sad. But last night I went back to a year ago and what I was dealing with. WOW, I can only say that there was so much pain and hurt in my life that I hadn't delt with and I was encouraged to look back over this past year and see how I was FINALLY able to deal with it and move on. I was pretty shocked when I came across and entry from May 2009...I went into detail about my weight and how unhappy I was and that I wish I'd just change it. I wanted a quick fix, something fast to get me to a size 8. Funny how even then I had no desire to change my life but I just wanted to complain about it. It took losing a dear friend and seeing that my life was headed in the same direction for me to finally make that change. I'm so thankful that I finally did! I'm not sure how many people keep a journal but I highly encourage it! I think it's a great way to get your thoughts out and keep your mind moving forward. It's good to reflect back and realize how far you've actually come. I'm thankful that I have my journal even though sometimes it's harder to read but glad to remember and move on.

It also hit me last night that it will be 3 years on my birthday that my grandma passed. How quickly time goes and how much I miss her. I miss my grandparents. But I have to share that when my birthday comes around I like to think that my Papa Johnson, Grandpa and Grandma Dutka are standing in Heaven singing Happy Birthday to me. They of course have the best celebration! I'm ready for another year, to keep moving forward and being thankful for all the blessings we have in our lives.

Give thanks in ALL we do!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight Loss: -126 pounds

Eat Pray Love

I know I've mentioned this before, but if you haven't seen this move, Eat Pray Love...you need to. Put it on your Christmas list! It's worth it, and if you don't like it as much as I do, I want to know why...or maybe we'll just take a trip around the world to figure out why you didn't care for it. :) But honestly, there have only been a few movies in my life that I've been inspired by and this is one of them.

A part of the movie talks about "word". What's your word, normally we say we're "a daughter, mother, friend..." but that's not the word, that's what you are...so what's your word?

Mine....I haven't found it yet, I am a woman in search of my word. :)

Weight loos: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -126 pounds

A Story....

I never have blogged twice in one day...so this is a first. But I was thinking about this today and it couldn't wait till tomorrow. Over the last few days I've been cleaning out my drawers and closet with all the clothes I can no longer wear. I now have two dressers empty and a closet that looks way bigger then I had imagined. I was able to put together a large clothes basket and a trash bag of clothes. I took them to a consignment shop to see if they'd want them...the rest will end up at Goodwill. While I was in the consignment shops I had a chance to walk around and look at what they have....and it hit me. All of these clothes have a story and I wonder what's behind it.

Now before you think I've lost my mind, wait...at one of the consignment shops they had a room totally dedicated to formal and wedding dresses. That's what I mean by a story, all of those dresses represented something special in someone's life. It got me thinking...what is my story? What would the clothes I wear tell in my story of life? Have there been certain clothes that have meant certain things in my life...my wedding dress, my prom dresses, the dresses I've worn in others wedding...what's my story? Makes you think...what's your story?


Have a good day telling your story~

Being Thankful

Well all of us know what this week is about, being thankful, giving thanks and most importantly not forgetting.... Yesterday in Church Mike talked about remembering the little things that we take for granted. For instance, there are people in other countries that don't have running water and they go down to a river to get water. The river is full of crocodiles and normally results in death, the water is dirty and full of disease. We turn our faucets on and don't think twice about it. So much to be thankful for that we tend to give Thanks...

So this week, think of those things that your thankful for and spend sometime thinking on those things. I'm thankful!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds.

Food...ugh!

It's been 7 months since I've started this weight program and there really isn't a day that goes by that I'm not learning something about my body and how I react to food since I've made the switch. I am realizing that I can't just eat what I use to eat or the amounts of it. Good thing though! Last night I had lasagna and I love it, always have...but man it wasn't liking me anymore. I don't like the feeling I have when I eat "heavy" foods and I am starting to wonder early on in my weight gain did I ever feel the same way or did I just ignore it because I wanted it more then the outcome...make sense? But now, I realize that sometimes it's just not worth the feeling or feeling miserable to just eat something. A whole new outlook and a whole need approach to eating! Good times!


Yesterday I was out cold calling for my job. (in the rain..always a good time) But I took a break during the lunch hour to catch up on email and to just take a rest. I usually go to a Panera Bread because you can use their Wi-Fi. So like I normally do, I found a table in the corner and set up my computer. I hadn't really been there more then 5 minutes and this little lady that worked there came over to my table with a cute little smile and said "Excuse me, would you like for me to bring you something to eat or drink?" That was a first because normally you just order on your own...I glanced over to the large selection of pastries they had out and my stomach hurt, I also wasn't interested in eating lunch at that moment. So I said, I'd like to get an Ice Tea and I'll figure out if I want to eat later. She was sweet and did just that. When she brought my Ice Tea over she said to me "If you want a pastry, just let me know, they are to die for..." And at that moment, in my mind I thought to myself I don't want to die for food...and just smiled to myself. I thanked her for her kindness. I realized sitting there that something had changed in my, I no longer wanted to eat my way though life, I no longer wanted to try every sweet item in that case. The opposite has happened. I am living life without living for food. And all I want to say to that is...ABOUT TIME!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds.

A sign of the times

Everyday we are given signs...signs to turn here, don't turn here, push this button, pick this up, etc...But there is one sign that I have a daily reminder. It sits on my desk and has traveled with me from career to career for the last 11 years. It's worn, it's old, it's got smudges on it...but no matter how beat up it gets, it still means the same thing it did to me 11 years ago. 11 years ago I heard someone say that no matter how bad things might get or how discouraged one might be, look up. Look up, no matter what. Well I wrote on a index card the two words..Look Up!! And it's a constant reminder to me that no matter what I might be facing I need to look up. God's in control and that's what matters. When I sometimes forget that He's in control, it's a reminder that I just need to look up and He's there. Taking care of it all....what a great promise.

Make this a better day then yesterday!

Weight loss: -1 pounds

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds.

Slow down...pull over

Yes I'm pretty frustrated with myself because I pulled a pretty stupid move. It's being fixed as we speak but I have to hold my breath for the next 24 hours and HOPE that all turns out ok. If not....it won't be a good next week and a 1/2. Just a contiuned reminder that we need to slow down and really understand what we're doing. I was in a rush yesterday, didn't read though everything to make sure I was where I needed to be and a mistake happened. I am thankful though for understanding people and the willingness to help us out when we're idiots. So the lesson, slow down and read!

Weight loss: +1 pound

Total Weight loss: -124 pounds.

The roller coaster of life

Yesterday was 6 weeks till the end of year. I have to say even though there have been parts of this year that have been great, I will be glad to put this one behind me and see what 2011 brings. It's been a year of losing friendships, disappointments and frustration. But there have been good things from this year, losing weight, watching Makayla become a great little girl and challenges for the better. I hope that 2011 will bring good things to many and that it can be a year of positives....here's to hope. :)

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds.

I don't know this person anymore

Last week a friend of mine tagged me in a photo on Facebook that was taken in March of this year. I have to say two things went through my mind when I saw this picture...ok actually 3, the first was WHO IS THIS?, the second was WOW I don't even know her anymore! and the third was embarrassment and shame....how could I of ever let myself get this way? Why did I not realize it? Why did it take me this long to get a grip on my life? Why, Why, Why...but I realized it wasn't why anymore...I have done something about it, I have gotten a grip on my life...for good.

I left the picture up because for me it's a reminder of who I never want to see again. I don't want that person in my life anymore, she stayed to long. But it was also a big encouragement that I have come so far and that I am making a difference in my life for good. Finally! I am only 32 pounds away from my goal. Seems easy in some ways and in others it seems like it's just the same feeling when I started...will I ever get there. 32 is to get my to 'my' goal weight but that doesn't mean I will stop losing weight. 32 will put me in the area that I need to be in. At that point then maintenance and maintaining will begin. Then begins the next step of my journey...the part I'm most excited about, but nervous too. I'm so ready to be where I need to be and see the new me...I can't stand it. :)

Every wrong turn I've made I am correcting in some way...not perfect but I am putting the past in the past and moving forward. So exciting!

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -125 pounds.

Roller Coasters

There are certain times in life that I wish I would of been more prepared...this morning would of been one of them. I attended a Chamber breakfast and hear a great presenation by a man that is well known in the area. He actually was someone that hired me for an internship my freshman year of college, over the summer. One of the best jobs I ever had. He gave a presenation this morning about the roller coaster of life. All of us will end up at the same place when all is said and done, it's just what we did along the way to get there. Some people like the merry go round...personally it makes me sick. I perfer the roller coaster...but I wish I would of or could of taped the presenation because it would be one that I'd listen to for years to come. Moral of this day...always be prepared, no matter what.

Have a great Friday, enjoy every moment!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds.

Life & Death

The last 24 hours have been filled with bad news. It's been pretty frustrating, sad and my heart hurts for those who have lost loved ones. I found myself going to bed early last night because my body physically couldn't sit "function" anymore. I can't remember the last time I slept so hard last night and woke up feeling like I had lived a crazy dream, but brought back to reality quickly. We can't take life to seriously but we need to enjoy and love every moment. Embrace all moments in our lives because when they are over, they are over. (Insightful ha!)

I have been looking at the pictures that Candace took for Makayla and I, and my heart is full. I am so thankful for them and will cherish them. Here is her website, check her out! http://candacelynnphotography.blogspot.com/2010/11/amazing-journey.html

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds.

2 more pounds..

I am only 2 more pounds from entering a new weight number. I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scale this morning, that I had lost 6 pounds and I am now entering the final stages of this weight journey. Somedays it seems so far away and others...it's like it will happen tomorrow. But I will continue the course and do what I need to do to reach the final goal. I just can't wait to have a party to celebrate! We'll start praying that there won't be any blizzards and everyone's schedule is free. HA!

Much love!

Weight loss: -6 pounds...this might be the most at one time!

Total Weight loss: -125 pounds!

Here I am

Well here I am! This was taken when I had lost 100 pounds, actually I believe I was at 108 pounds by then. Sorry for the long awaited pictures. But I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Candace did a fantastic job and I will charish them!


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -119 pounds

One day, someday soon

I believe soon I will be meeting my new weight. I am excited because I am feeling good and I haven't looked like this in years. My aunt was here this past weekend and we had a great time laughing...but it was also cool for her to see the new me. I can't wait to get to my final goal and celebrate big!

Daily we're met with challenges. Yesterday was a tough day, I had a lot of emotions running around and I missed my grandparents a lot. Not sure what it was yesterday, but it was just tough. I felt like eat my way through a bag of M&M's but realized that wouldn't of solved anything, just the opposite. I will be honest, I still struggle when it comes to my emotions and food. The "old" me would of just cling to food and fill up on foods that I didn't need nor want to hide, bury or stuff my emotions deep so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Now that I have chosen to not deal with them that way, I actually have to face and deal...it's hard, but I'm doing it, without food.

"If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one."

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -119 pounds.

Leaving the past behind

Every time I step on the scales and see a new number I realize that I am no longer going to see those old numbers again, they are in the past. That's a great feeling because I love leaving them in the past...that's where they belong. You always here, the past is the past for a reason...it's so true, you don't want to repeat it. This morning I was having a hard time finding something to wear, it hasn't made sense for me to overhaul my closet yet, I know that day is coming. But my choices of clothes that fit is very minimal, everything else just hangs on me. Anyways, I have a black dress shirt in my closet that has been a staple of my outfits for years, this black shirt use to be so tight on me, well I haven't tried it on in a few months...so I went for it, yeah it's to big now...but I wore it anyways for "old times". But after today...I think I'll have to give it a different home.

Happy Friday everyone! Make it a great day!

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -118 pounds.

8 pounds...

8 pounds away from entering a whole new number! I'm excited and can't wait to break through that number soon. I love seeing little bench marks when I have blah days. It's a little reminder to me that everything is ok and that no matter how blah it gets, there are always good things to think upon. I read this quote often "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." We just have to realize it!

Make this an even better day then yesterday! I know I will.

Weight loss: -4 pounds

Total weight loss: -118 pounds!!!!!!!!!!

Got the W

So I've heard people use this phrase lately...."I got the W"...which means they got the win. Well last night many people across our country got the W. So that's pretty cool...2 years ago we where told there would be change....no one ever said if it would be good or bad change, you can decided. But we should never be afraid of change if it's for the good, it might be scary and we might wonder how we're going to get there, but embrace change and go with it. I'm thankful everyday that I took on the change for my life. I look at myself and I'm thankful for this "new" beginning. If there is anyone out there that doesn't know if they can do, let me tell you this...you can and you will. I believe it!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -114 pounds

While I'm waiting...

I have to say, if you haven't heard the song While I'm Waiting by John Waller, I highly recommend it. It seems to be my life song at the moment. Seems to be appropriate in so many situations lately. I was excited to use my right to vote this morning. It was fitting, the moon was bright even though it was a sliver in the sky, but it was cold, dark and just the light from the moon was out....something about this morning and knowing that I have a freedom to make a choice and not be killed for it, that I could walk in with out someone beating me up or voting in fear. No one knows how long that will last...but for right now, I am thankful to have a freedom...but while I have this freedom I am waiting... listen to the song, this will all make sense once you do.


Yesterday I had a moment of weakness ( I didn't give in ) but I was in the mood for a zagnut bar. Not sure why, it's been years since I've had one. My mom use to get them when she had her own school, sometimes people would bring her boxes of them...they where good. Not sure if it was the memory of it or if I was just bored at that time, but I just walked away from what I was doing and focused on something else...the weakness went away. :)

GO vote and make it a great day!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -114 pounds

The moments that take our breath away

This past weekend I got the chance to spend some time with my new niece Elle. I am so excited for my brother and sister in law. It was such a priceless experience to see them as parents, they are going to do great! Elle is blessed to have them as a mom and dad. I loved holding her and reflecting on when Makayla was that size...and now she's 5. Where does the time go? Just makes us realize that we are blessed and that we are to take nothing for granted.

Not sure what this week will bring...but I will embrace everything and take nothing for granted.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -114 pounds.

New pants!

Ok, so today I have a new size of jeans on...I've lost 5 sizes! 5!!!!! When you think about it, it's just hard to believe. The other great part is that this morning several people at work noticed and said they could really tell I had lost a bunch of weight. Woo Hoo! Always good news for a Friday! I am feeling great and excited to be in smaller clothes. The last time I wore this size I was a sophmore in College, 11 year ago.

I'm thankful for what this week has taught me, but I am sure glad that today is Friday. Have a great weekend, enjoy your loved ones and be thankful that you have today.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -113 pounds.

Fish bowl

I feel like a fish in a fish bowl swimming in a circle...ugh, what a boring life! I mean if that's all you had was to swim in circles and go no where...what fun is that? I am feeling like I am walking up the mountain, taking some great steps but ever so often I lose my footing and I go back a few steps. I can't wait to get to the top of the mountain to celebrate.

A year ago I had the chance to go to Colorado to visit my cousin and his now wife. It was such a great trip...one of the stops Justin took me to was a mountain outside of Denver. It was one of the most peaceful, moving experiences I have ever had. To be at the top of this amazing creation and it was so quiet, peaceful and the way that life should be. I remember that experience often...and even more when I feel like I'm losing my footing.

One step at a time...

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -113 pounds.

Get ready to go...

Well officially today I will begin my outside sales career...again. I took about a year and a half to sit behind a desk and now I'll be pounding pavement. Yes I am excited, looking forward to what the future holds, but I am nervous...but it will all work out as it needs to be.

I feel like banging my head though on my desk, the last few weeks I've been focused and consummed by all that's going on here at work that I haven't been focusing on my health. I haven't given up, but I've come to a slow crawling pace and that's frustrating to me. I have to get back in the game, no one ever gives up in the 3rd or 4th quarter and neither will I.

Should be interesting to see what happens over the next few weeks and months regarding this new position. How will I handle being in the car, driving, how will I make healthy choices and continue to stay the course.....stay tuned!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -111 pounds.

One step

It only takes one step to throw you off balance. Well I took one step and it threw me off balance...2 pounds actually. No excuses, I haven't been focused as much on losing weight for the last 4 weeks and it's starting to show. So I'm back on the right path and will get these 2 pounds that decided to come back off.

I woke up this morning missing my grandparents. Not sure what it was or why, but I just miss them....I'll spend the day remembering the amazing memories that we had together in this life and look forward to see them again in the next. Appreciate and love those who are in your life!

Weight loss: +2

Total Weight loss: -110 pounds.

Waiting...

Last night I heard a song about waiting. That while I am waiting on you Lord I will serve you and worship you while I'm waiting. How fitting this song is for my life right now. I am waiting on Him in all I do. Losing weight, taking a new positions, traveling again and figuring out the next step has started to consume my life. Finding the balance has been difficult, sometimes I give more to a certain area and let others "fall off". I want to find the happy medium and know that I have balance.

A lot of things are changing, good, indifferent and bad, but I am staying to the word and moving forward no matter how hard it might be.

This weekend Makayla and I had our pictures taken, I'm excited to see the finished product, I'll post them when we get them back. But it was fun, to share that time with her and make more memories. I am blessed!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -112 pounds

Thank goodness for rest

Finally! I slept till 6am this morning. I don't know if it was the fact I had made my decision and I feel pretty good about it or my body was just so tired and worn out that I just slept out of pure exchaustion. But it doesn't matter, I'm thankful for the sleep!

Well my friends, here's the news. I have taken a new position with in the company that I am working for. I am going to be moving into outside sales and I'll start with a 100 mile radius for now, but eventually will move into selling in other states. I'm excited about the possiblities that this brings into my life and who I'll get the chance to meet. The open doors are endless. I begin this new journey on Monday, I am praying for guidance and the opportunity to hit the ground running.

This will be a challenge as well because I saw the biggest weight gain in my life when I was in outside sales. Unfortunatley you live in your car mostly, but I am up for this challenge to continue to keep the weight off! It's a must. It will be another step in the right direction for me.

Thank you for all the prayers, support and encouragement this week. The journey might be long, but the outcome is great and I'm thankful for this new experience and opporunity.

Pressing on.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -111 pounds.

No complaining...

So the last thing I ever wanted this to be was a complaint blog....so it's not, but I just have to say that getting up at 5:30 for the last 3 mornings is really starting to take a toll on my mind, body and energy! I seem to fall asleep fine but then I can't stay asleep...I think it has to do with the fact my mind won't shut off and I can't begin to get it all cleared out.

SO, today I begin some pre training for this new journey. I am hoping that I am wake enough to stay focused (those who know me, know that's going to be a challenge) and that I can walk away with better insite as to what this new path will be like. Because I haven't slept well, I don't eat...at all. So something has to change fast because my body can't handle this. Crazy enough the not eating hasn't allowed me to lose any weight...amazing....not shocked, it's my body's way of telling me to get things in order.

OK, have a fantastic day and I look forward to sharing my news tomorrow.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -110 pounds.

The fork in the road.

Well I met the fork in the road yesterday. (HAHA that sounds so funny, sorry) But anyways I met it. There is probably a handful of times in my life that I've been at the fork and really uncertain as to what direction I should head. Sometimes it seemed so easy and other times I would stress over it for weeks. I remember the day that I decided to take my own life by the collar and do something about my weight. Months and even years before that point I had been at a crossroads and I would chose the road that was easy...not to change. That's how I got through things, I wouldn't change anything because I was afraid of what I might have to do. Well let me tell you something, I think it was harder to not do something then it has been to do something. So my advice, break out of the comfort zone and step up, take things by the handle and go with it. You'll be surprised at how things (for the better) will turn out.

So..this decision I have to make, well I've made it. I believe that I will head down the unknown path, take myself out of the box and go with it. I can't share right now what it is, but I will Friday. Thank you to all of you for your support, encouragement and most importantly prayers! Get ready..the new journey will begin shortly :)


Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -110 pounds.

Every so many....

Ever so often we find ourselves at a cross roads. Wondering which path looks better to take. One might be full of flowers, green grass and the sun is shinning. The other might be dark, un managed and scary. Ironically though I have realized that the path that looks great, beautiful and well put together isn't always the right one. It's sometimes the one that leads to more problems, hurt, emptiness and wishing that you would of re thought your decision. Well today I stand at those cross roads. One looks great, green and amazing. Seems like a lot of hope and good things to come...the other is dark, unknown and down right scary....BUT I will make a decision....it won't be easy and that's ok because we where never promised life would be easy. I do wish for a neon flashing light that would point to which one I should take. But I am confident that whatever I chose will in some way be the right thing...

Changes are happening in my life faster then I could even imagine, but I'm ok with it, I've come this far...I'm ready to move forward. I haven't slept well in the last few days, but I know it's because of this day...I've given it to GOD, prayed about it and knowing that at the end of today I'll have an answer. So here we go.....

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -110 pounds.

A new chapter

110 pounds...I have to say it has a nice ring to it. I really like the way I am starting to look and feel. I also am starting to realize that my body doesn't like the things I once did. I have noticed over the last few weeks if I have something that's got sugar or fat in it, my stomach goes on a revolt. So I am starting to understand what I can't have anymore, it might taste good for a moment but feeling or getting sick afterwards isn't fun at all. But it's the sacrifice we make to make ourselves better. I mean I'd chose this life and how I feel now over any sugar foods or fried stuff. Not for me anymore. I'm shooting for another 50 pounds to put me at my goal weight, that will put me right there, that's not to say I won't go for another 10 or so. But I'm ready to see what I look like again...though that's an empty statement because I don't remember what I use to look like at the weight I'll be. So..this will be new again and I guess I'll just have to re introduce myself to myself again. HA!

Make it an unbelievable day!

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -110 pounds

Classic

So being wide awake at 4:45 am has it's advantages......ok it really doesn't. HA. I laid in bed this morning thinking about everything I don't need to be thinking about. The quiet times this morning allowed me the chance to reflect and regain my focus.

I'm going through another transformation. This time it's inward that I'm changing. The outward appearance and how I'm feeling is doing well. I feel great and look good, I like seeing less of myself. I look forward to seeing even less of what I am now. I was reading an article yesterday about foods, calories and all goes into things...sure makes you think twice before you pick up that Twix or get a milkshake. Just crazy how some things can have more calories then what you should have in 3 days. And we consume it in one meal or snack. CRAZY!

I'm starting to feel better and get the energy I need back..so here's to a strong finish to this week and an even better weekend! Are you with me? :)

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight Loss: -108 pounds.

Turn that frawn upside down...

Sorry that I'm blogging a little later then normal. I actually went to write this first thing but I realized that I had nothing but complaining to talk about. I woke up this morning down on myself for whatever reason, being frustrated with certain people...not to worry it's no one reading this, beginning to questions certain things going on in my life right now....then I heard the news. It was enough for me to stop the "poor me" and "why me" thoughts and realize that right now 33 people and 33 families where given a second chance..a chance to see their loved ones again and the opportunity to touch lives. I've been checking on and off about the progress they are making to get all the minors out and the pictures and reactions make my heart leap and the tears fill my eyes. We take so much for granted. So much! And it's times like this that make me disgusted with how I feel and think sometimes, that I get wrapped up in "I" and that's not what it's about. It's not about me, it's about those around me, what am I bring to the table to make someone else life better today...makes you think.

So...I've always been told if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Today I realized that all those things I can't say...it's not worth it. Rejoicing with those who have received great news, crying with those who hurt, listening to those who need to speak and praying for those around me, that's what it's all about. I haven't felt that good this week, chalk it up for the time of year, but when I don't feel well I tend to turn inward as I think most of us do. I'm OK with that, because if it wasn't for that...I wouldn't of had the chance to realize the bigger picture today...once again it's not about me.

Care for one another!

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -107 pounds.

Where have I been....

Boy...it's been a blah few days. Good news, last night my brother and his wife welcomed their first child into this world! Elle Ann 7 pounds, 12 oz and 22 inches long. Mommy and baby are doing well. Very excited about this news, makes all the other not so good things going on seem not important. :) She's a blessing and I can't wait to meet her. GOD is great all the time!

I've been sick for the last few days. Flu I believe. I'm tired of being tired and sick. I can't remember the last time that I was sick like this and back to back. Though this week was way worse then last week. I haven't had much of an appetite, I have had peach jello and water...sounds exciting doesn't it. I am hoping that soon I'll start to feel better. Today is a little better, but I am just taking it easy. Because of being sick I was home yesterday and between sleeping and watching TV, there was a show on about people with addictions to food. Pretty crazy stuff, I watched one show and that was enough for me. But this kid, 24 actually, all he had been eating for the last 2 years was pizza. That's all he could eat and he went on this show to help him break this habit. The Dr. on the show did all these tests and showed this kid what was happening to his body because he was only eating that...lets just say that it made me sick to my stomach what was happening to him. He was going to die if he didn't change his ways. Just like everything, to much of something is never a good thing. Once again, we have the control to change the habits and lifestyles if we really want to. If the desire is great, we will do it.

Getting better one day at a time.

Weight loss: -3 pounds

Total Weight loss: -107 pounds.

One...

Well one pound decided to join me again. Not frustrated because it's just one, but still...it does bring things back to the basics again when I see that one pound on the scale. Not worried, I will just work again to get it off again. I haven't been sleeping well at all, I got to bed tired but then 2 hours later I am wide awake for a few...eventually I fall back asleep, but I am wondering what's going on with this different sleeping habit. :( Hope it doesn't last.

I'm feeling a little better today but not 100% still. I hope with the nice weekend that all those who have been sick get better before the cold hits again next week. I plan on enjoying my favorite time of year this weekend, I hope you do too!

Pressing on.

Weight loss: +1 (haven't put a + in front of a number in a long time)

Total Weight loss: -104 pounds

Options

Boy do we have options! Ever think about that? I mean really...something small like going to the ATM. Put your card in, you enter your pin number and a screen pops up with options. That's one example...another is going out to eat, endless options. But the flip side to this...all these options have consequences. Good or bad. Doesn't matter. The options we chose result in the consequences we will face. Ok so you might wonder what in the world is she getting at. Let me explain. This whole week I've thought a lot about different options I have related to a multitude of things that are going on in my life. And beside the weight loss I really haven't thought about the consequences of some of my options I'm about to make. Long term that is. I had to say no to an additional commitment someone wanted me to make. I haven't said no to something in a long time. But I thought of my options with this particular request and think of the consequences...time away from my family, not being able to give 100%, money...so I made the choice to decline and it felt weird.

I'm so glad that the option...really the choice to get rid of this weight has lead to an unbelievable consequence..better health, looking and feeling better, a new attitude, a better out look on life, committing to something and seeing it through. Very thankful that I made this choice.

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -105 pounds.

*I'm very excited that this weekend we will be taking some new pictures...honestly I'm tired of seeing the "old me". :)

Under the weather

I am under the weather and would rather be in my bed. UGH. Not sure with all the weather changing or the fact that most of the people in my office have been sick, but this isn't a fun time of year. Needless to say I don't have a lot on my mind other then sleep and getting better.

I did lose 3 more pounds but I am counting that from being sick. :(

Stay healthy!

Weight loss: -3 pounds

Total Weight loss: -105 pounds.

The past is still very real in the present.

Today...well today is a hard day for me. I actually thought as years go by that these feelings and emotions go away, with time. But it seems like each year that passes it is a reminder of all the pain and hurt from a decision. I am blessed because out of all the feelings of sadness I have joy, I have joy of a beautiful little girl. She's my joy. :) Last night she was so precious, she came into my room gave me the biggest hug and took her little hands put them on my face and gave me a kiss. It was beautiful and my heart once again was filled with joy. In spite of all that happens in our lives now more then ever we need to find the joy, the good, the positive, the wonderful in life. To many times we are burdened with bad news, heartache, hurt, frustration, worry. But we must not forget that all those things can be laid at HIS feet and that we don't have to carry the burden.

This weekend I had a chance to do a lot of reflecting and start to prepare my mind for the final lap to get me to my goal. I won't let anything bring me down, stop me, or discourage me from completing this journey. I've come to far to let anything stop me now. I am excited about this race and finishing strong. At times I've had to walk or even stop, but I've continued and I will continue to press on. Finish well!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -102 pounds.

Why stop now....

So yesterday was full of excitement, getting to a new stage in my weight loss. Can't beat that and I'm not stopping. For the most part everyone was excited, supportive and encouraged which is great. But I did have an interesting question asked, "Why not just stop, that's a lot of weight." Normally people who just want to lose 100 pounds would stop. But I have more then 100 pounds to lose. When I explained it the persona asking the question said that I didn't seem like I had that much to lose. But it's true, I for the last 12 years put on more then 160 pounds that I didn't need. It's probably more because I would lose 5-10 pounds. But that's a lot of weight to put on one's body. So I won't stop, I will continue to see my goal through and get to the point in my life where I should of always been with my weight.

A crazy fact I was this weight when I was a junior in college. Crazy!

Keep smiling and moving forward. :)

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -101 pounds

Are you sitting down?

It's official. I have now lost 101 pounds. Not just 100, but 101. :) The feeling I have right now is shock, but all in a good way. I weighed myself 10 times this morning. I even did it with all my clothes on...yeah, it was great! I am so excited to be here, to get to this point and know that I can accomplish anything now. I also believe too that if I can do this, anyone can. This is possible.

I apologize as I was going to call people this morning, but realized that many of those that I'd call would still be in bed or in another time zone. HA, don't think you'd want to be woken up...but we will celebrate. Not only this accomplishment but this journey and what is ahead. I have 55 more pounds to lose to get to the goal I first set out to do. Maybe I'll lose 5 more and make it an even 60. Who knows, but what I do know is that I'm so thankful in many ways that I am at this point.

WOO HOO

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -101 pounds YEP, 101....I just like to type it...sorry :)

Come on now...

Yeah so kid at Christmas. This is what this week has been like for me. Waiting...it's like waiting for really good news that you "heard" about but haven't really been told yet...I'm just hoping that it will happen in the next two days. I'd like to go into the weekend ready to hit the final 56 pounds.

There will be a good celebration when I hit it, so keep your eyes open for when the party will happen. :) It's time to celebrate.

Make it a great day!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -99 pounds.

6 months...

6 months ago a woman began a journey that would forever change her life, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. 6 months ago a decision was made to never settle, never give in to the old habits. 6 months ago the thought of losing 100 pounds felt like it would take years. 6 months ago I made a commitment to myself, my daughter and those around me that I wouldn't give up. 6 months ago my life changed forever..... Actually 6 months and 2 days I began this journey that has forever changed my life in so many good and positive ways. When I started this, if you would of asked me when or what it would feel like to hit a big goal like 100 pounds, I would of smiled and said....I'll get there eventually but it will probably be a year or two. That's what I thought, but my body had different plans. I stepped on the scales this morning and it felt like Christmas for me. I'm waiting on 1 pound, 1 pound to make the 100 mark. But, just like a child waiting for Christmas morning...I have to wait another day. I'll keep doing what I'm doing and know that sooner then later...it's going to happen. *I should just warn my parents that when it does and I scream loudly, they don't need to be startled. HA!

Thank you to all of you who are walking this journey with me and continue to see me through. This could of never happened without the support, encouragement, prayer and love that all of you have shared. I continue to do this not just for myself but for my beautiful little girl and those around us. I am humbled by this opportunity in my life and realize that I am blessed. Everything...everything happens for a reason. I have the best people in my life. Love you all!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -99 pounds.

A little step in the....right direction?

So I've been thinking again, yes I know sometimes when I do a lot of thinking it gets me into trouble or it gives me some sort of insite as to where I think my life if heading. Well this time it was neither of those two things. I actually was thinking about what my life was like 5 year ago, 3 years ago, 1 year ago, 6 months ago, 2 months ago, last week. Sometimes I think we get stuck thinking that life is the same "everyday". That nothing changes and we just move in and out of life with no change. BUT when you step back and look at what life has been like over the course of years...wow! I believe that everything that has taken place over the last 5 years was for a reason...to get me to where I am right now. To prepare me for what I'm doing right now. I am so close to the final stretch of this journey I can feel it. I'm ready to complete the goal and then onto the bigger part...maintaining it. That my friends will be the hardest part. But I'm ready.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -99 pounds.

Thank you

First I want to say thank you to all of you who comment on my blog. Either I do something wrong or I just don't know how to reply, but mine never seem to show up. So thank you to all of you. @ Erin, yes I can totally feel your excitement! Thank you!!! Can't wait to see you guys too.

I'm only 2 pounds away from hitting the big number, I feel like my body is holding back and saying hahah you have to wait...I'm not giving up these 2 pounds that easy. I also have been struggling the last few days with seeing myself and not seeing the result like everyone else has. I'll have to have some "removal" surgery when I am at my goal weight. But in the meantime I have to believe that numbers don't lie. What I see on the scale is right and it's happening. WOO HOO.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight Loss: -98 pounds.

2 more to go

So... I am only 2 pounds away from losing 100 pounds. CRAZY! I got on the scale this morning and like a lot of times when I am about to hit a new number, I weigh myself 2,3,4,5 times to just make sure I'm seeing the number correctly. I did that today. I have lost 98 pounds. Even that number is pretty exciting too.

A lot going on, this week....well this week has just been a pretty stress filled one. I've received a lot of bad news from people in my life and it's taking a toll on my for sure. Being supportive, praying, encouraging and just giving a hug..that's how this week has been. The verse that keeps coming to mind is "be still and know..." I've been still a lot this week. This morning we did some moving of desks at work and I am now in a different cube that is really different from the one I had before. It's quiet and I can do some thinking for sure...I think I'll like this for the moment..

Pressing onward and looking up!

Weight loss: -2

Total weight loss: -98 pounds.

Labels

So last night I was laying in bed ready to fall asleep and all of a sudden the word labels popped into my head. So for the next 45 minutes I laid in bed and thought about the word labels and what it means. Labels has such a variety of meanings...but at the end it has the same outcome. We have labels on our clothes, food, anything that we purchase has a label. The tax bracket that you fall in, your labeled, what you believe in, where you go to school, work, the circle of friends you hang out with, your relationships, politics, backgrounds, how much you weight, how you look and dress, the state you live in, your business encounters, the list goes on and on....all of us have a label. When you sit and think about it, if every we where to put a sticker on ourselves of all the labels we are....you'd be covered.

The other thought I had was that many times we let labels define us. But what many of us forget is that a label should never define us, we should define it. I watched about 45 minutes of the Biggest Loser last night. My heart broke and I actually had to turn it off. You'd think at this point I'd be encouraged by these people stories, but there was so much emptiness and pain shared last night that I actually found myself wanting to eat a bag of oreo's. I didn't, but it just made me re think where I've been, the hurt I've felt and how I dealt with it. We're a country, a nation of unhappy overweight people...see I just put a label on most Americans. Yikes...see think about today, what do you label in your life? Then decided if the label is defining you or if your defining the label. Food for thought....

Weight loss: -1

Total Weight loss: -96 pounds.

Enough bad news...

Lately it seems like every where I turn there is some tragic or heart breaking news. Everything from a couple getting divorced, to someone dealing with cancer, a bizarre accident that took a young life to soon, to someone feeling that they aren't worth it in this life and have no reason to live. Seriously all this news can really make some feel that the weight of the world is heavier now then it's ever been. All these things make me take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that GOD is bigger then all this. His plan is greater then all this. Sometimes it's just harder to see it then normal.

This morning I didn't weigh myself...the first time since I started that I haven't. I don't know why, nor will I make excuses. All the things I've listed above happened to be on my mind this morning. It weighed a lot on my mind, I think I just didn't have it in me to see where I was at this morning. It did throw me off though, I feel like I'm missing something...missing knowing that I'm still on track. BUT not to worry I'll be back on those scales in the morning.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -95 pounds.

a non weight loss moment...

When you say good bye

Before I begin this I want to make it clear that this (what I'm about to write) has nothing to do with 1) my weight loss or 2) anyone in my life right now.

Do you ever find yourself staring at someone and realizing that you have nothing else to say to them. This person could be someone that you've known all your life for just a couple of years. But you get to the point where you have nothing left to say, you have nothing left to give and all you can think about is parting ways with this person. I can count on my hand how many times that's happened in my life. Each of those times where times of self examination and deep down understanding who I really was. I believe that everyone is brought into your life for a reason, a season and a time. No one ever knows how long or short someone will stay. Sometimes those that we wish you would stay longer are just in your life for a moment and others that you thought would only stay for a short time stick around for a lifetime. We don't understand this, nor try to figure it out because in the end either way it leads to heart break. Sometimes the reason someone is in your life is never really understood till their gone. And sometimes you never understand why they where in your life to begin with. But out of the whole experience you find something...you learn something about yourself and either be thankful you where blessed with them in your life or realize that you had some learning to do.

For me, I will continue to embrace the relationships that I've been blessed with and continue to move forward in all I do. The past is in the past for a reason, I'm done looking back...I'm all about looking forward.

Weight loss: -3 pounds

Total Weight loss: -95 pounds.

I feel like....

I feel like a lemon being squeezed till you can't get anything else out. Odd I know...but there really isn't any other way to describe this feeling. I'm really hoping that all this squeezing me at this time will make some make some great things. Time will tell....

Not feeling all that great today....

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -92 pounds.

Experiences

Last night was a big success and I feel very honored and humbled to be apart of a great charity event. This opportunity that I was given was overwhelming to me when you step back and think about the ramifications on what the food bank really does. At some point in our lives, we will either ourselves or know someone who does need the food bank. It makes you stop and look at the bigger picture a lot clearer.

The food was great, for those that know me I am not by any means a seafood lover. I actually run the opposite way. Lucky for me about 90% of the dishes last night being served had some sort of seafood in it. Fab! Just great, I thought to myself this isn't going to be good and I'll pass. BUT, but I didn't. I put my big girl pants on and I tried new things. Call me crazy, but it was ok...I won't say good or great. Haven't gotten to that level, but it was ok and I survived. :)

Ths whole experience helped open my eyes to a lot of things. For starters, I realize or should say re started my passion for helping others. Corporate 9-5 jobs don't seem like they fit in my life. Helping people, having a passion for things like last night do. Makes one think and re exam their own lives...that's all I'm saying about that one. :)

Overall it was a successful evening and one that I won't forget for years to come.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -92 pounds.

WOW

WOW can be well what it is or turned upside down it's MOM. Well this morning my mom said to me that she could really tell that I've lost weight and honestly, that's the best thing I could of heard this morning. For me it was a "woo hoo" moment because when you see someone every day, you don't always realize the changes that they are going through. But it's great when people realize, can't lie-makes one feel pretty good about themselves and what their doing. :)

So tonight's a big night for me. I get to be apart of a pretty great event. The Akron Canton Foodbank is hosting the Taste of the NFL at the Pro Football Hall of Fame and I get to be apart of it. All the money raised goes to help the Foodbank which is a great cause. I never realized how we truely need them in our community till I got a chance to tour the building and learn about what they are doing for our community. Now more then ever people need them. So tonight will be a good way to get on board and help support our area. I just need to stick to my plan and watch what I eat and drink tonight...things like this you could totally get carried away. :)

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -91 pounds.

I haven't forgotten...

I had good intentions to blog over the weekend but as soon as the thought went into my mind it went out just as fast. This weekend we celebrated my dad's 60th birthday. Hard to believe he's 60, but he's in great health. My mom cooked a thanksgiving style meal for his birthday and boy I was stuffed. To the point of being so uncomfortable. Glad to celebrate, but won't eat like that again..the feeling isn't fun what so ever. Saturday was just a normal run around day, but then watched the Ohio State football team pull off a win! Always a plus.

I did a lot of thinking this weekend. There is a lot going on right now that I don't really want to get into at the moment, but it's causing me to step back and make some serious decisions. Decisions that I wish I didn't have to make at the moment, but there really isn't any other choice. I've been in this boat before, actually to many times...i'd like to tie this boat up and not have to jump on anymore. But it's life and these types of things have to be done.

The good thing is that inspite of eating to much for my dad's birthday and bring a little overwhelmed, I was still able to lose more weight. Hitting 100 pounds is closer then it's ever been in my life, I am so excited to get to that point. 9 pounds away from making it a reality. We'll see how long it takes me to get there. :)

Weigt loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -91 pounds.

Oh the stress...

Today I would like to eat my way through a package of Oreo's. Maybe the double stuff ones. Or the mint, those sound good too. Yep, that's the kind of day I am having. Needless to say I haven't had lunch and I am starving so of course I'm thinking of all the bad things I shouldn't eat. Hey, just me being honest. :)

But it all goes back to a few days or weeks ago when I made the statement that I am an emotional stress eater. That I know my buttons that are pushed and understand what sets them off. Today was like an all out assault on my stress level. But the good thing is that I haven't gone to the vending machine and tipped it over or put my $2.00 I have on me in the pop machine. Trust me, all very tempting but NOT worth it.

These are the days that help me figure out who I am, how I deal with things and learn how to cope.....this too, this day shall pass.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -89 pounds.

New pants

I've never been so excited about a atricle of clothing then I am right now. I have a pair of dress pants that I haven't worn in YEARS and they fit! They fit and I have no saggy backside...we'll keep it G rated. :) But I love it, I love the feeling of feeling "normal". That might sound odd, but it means that I can sit in a booth and not have it be tight, I can ride on a plane and not worry if the seat belt is going to fit...WHY didn't I do this years ago? Why did I allow myself to live like this? I don't know all the reasons but I know some...but it doesn't matter anymore because I'm on my way to a better me, a happier, healthier me! That's what counts!

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -89 pounds.

Big Event

So a week from today I will be attending the Taste of the NFL at the Hall of Fame. It's a big event that supports the local food banks in our area. This event brings in 10 past enshrines to the event and about 300-400 people in the area to raise money. Everything raised through ticket sales and that nights events goes to the food bank. It's a great cause and I am very excited to be apart of it. That being said....I have to look top notch. Not to say I don't already, but wearing baggy pants and a shirt two sizes to big won't cut it for that evening. SO...I will be hitting all the local consignment shops to see if I can find something for that night. We'll see what I will come up with. I mean I was thinking of wearing my wedding dress but I didn't want to stand out in the crowd ;)

This week is already shaping up to be a pretty busy week....so put your running shoes on and get moving :)

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -88 pounds.

A step in the right direction

In life we take many steps, good indifferent and not so great. Each step either puts us closer to a goal or farther away from what we know is right. Every step is either measured on how long it took us to get there or how fast we reached our goal. But with every step we make we learn something new about ourselves, what we can and can't handle. This weight loss journey has brought many steps, good and bad. I've learned a lot about who I am as a person and how I deal with things in my life. For years I dealt with pain, hurt and frustration with food. I buried my feelings and thoughts with the chocolate brownie, or the bag of chips. In the end not only was I filled with emptiness but overwhelming guilt for putting my body through all that. BUT now, it's not the case, I am actually dealing with all this head on, no matter how bad the hurt feels or the pain cuts deep, I am dealing with it with out food. I am taking the steps I need to deal with all of this in the right way.

I love the feeling of putting on a pair of jeans and they fall off...that's fun to me. I have 1 pair of jeans that I can some what wear but I'm sporting the baggy jeans look for the moment. I love seeing less and less of myself...this journey is exciting!

Weight loss: -5 pounds

Total Weight Loss: -88 pounds.

Relax

I'm thankful for today, I'm thankful for Friday and I'm thankful that this week...August is over. That being said I am getting back on the 3 day start again. I'm thankful that it's a holiday weekend....a heads up for next week, I might be unavailable to update due to being on jury duty. So we'll see....

That being said, have a fun, safe, relaxing and enjoyable Labor day weekend!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -83 pounds.

Food

So today is a bring in food at work day. I have to say that it's one of the hardest days for me so far. My desk sits directly across the way from the table with all the food on it. It's ok, I'm staying strong and realizing it's not worth giving in today. I just might think of installing a door at my cube in the next week. HA

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -83 pounds.

Spending Time...

Sometimes I think...wait, all the time...we get so wrapped up in what's going on right now that we don't take time to really enjoy what's REALLY going on around us. Last night I had the opportunity to included my daughter into the Young Professionals group that I am apart of. Even though the stress of getting all the things together for the event and making sure we had all our bases covered, it was a blessing to spend that time with her. We had such a wonderful time just the two of us, laughing and walking through the McKinley Museum and talking about all sorts of things. Those are the memories that I cling to when I get wrapped up in the other stresses of life. She is my blessing and I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be her mother.

Because the theme for last nights' event was Bring out the kid in you, we didn't have the best food choices...so I had pizza last night. I paid for it this morning...gained a pound, but I won't beat myself up over it, it was just one night, having a great time with my daughter and charishing it.

Weight loss: +1

Total Weight loss: -82 pounds.

Someday

I love putting clothes on and seeing that they are to big or no longer lay right on me because I'm no longer that size. I enjoy seeing less of myself. I think it's very rewarding to see this progress...but I some times still see myself as I once was. The old me, the unhealthy me...even through I have now lost 83 pounds....that's a child in middle school. I still see myself as the unhealthy, unhappy, overweight person I once was. I know, as with everything in life it all takes time. I just never realized that I had buried so much pain in my life and now I'm dealing with it. The mental part is the hardest. The self talk track is difficult because it has to be broken. It's like a record, it keeps spinning over and over again till I take hold and break it. I'm not the same person outwardly as I once was, and my mind needs to realize that.

Seeing new numbers is always really positive and exciting...I can't wait for the 100 mark. It's so much closer now then ever...(duh). But there has never been any other time in my life that I have lost this much weight or been so close to a goal.

Weight loss: -3 pounds

Total Weight loss: -83 pounds.

I've fallen..

I have fallen into a funk. This happens in my life from time to time as it does in anyones life. I have been trying to push it off for a few weeks, but it hit me this weekend. It hit me hard. Here is a little insite to what happens when I fall into a funk, I bring everything inward, I do a lot of thinking and I'd rather just be by myself. When it's happened in the past, it has usually been a good thing in the end, I come out of it refreshed and ready to go. I pray that the same happens now. I'm not sure how long this one will last, though I hope it's just a few days, we shall see.

I am thankful for those in my life that love me and care about what's going on in my life, good or bad. I am thankful that I have been given a new day.....I am thankful and blessed.

I hope that during this time too that I will get a refresh sense to hit the weight loss again. Though I am still on target, I haven't given it the 100% that I have been. I think this will also be good for me to refocus my energy on the things that are important.

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -80 pounds.

Thank goodness for Friday's

This week couldn't come to an end fast enough. It felt like it drug on forever! I am tired, but I think it's more like I am trying to regain the focus and re charge my internal battery. :) (I guess that's the easiest way to put it) Each day has proven itself to be a lesson in my journey. I did break down this morning and stopped at Starbucks, I mean...I'm 2 pounds away from losing 80 pounds, one starbucks isn't going to make me gain 78 of it back. But the weird thing about it, I didn't enjoy it at all...honestly I feel like my stomach is on fire. So that can't be a good thing. :(

Here is to new things and learning to love ourselves even when we look in the mirror and realize we have a lot of flaws that need fixed.

Make it the best day yet!

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -78 pounds.

Ah frustrated with myself

So I'm pretty frustrated with myself today. Though the last two weeks have been a roller coaster and I haven't cheated.....I haven't really focused on my weight loss. That is frustrating to me because I need to get back into it, I don't want to lose this focus and then spend the next 3-4 weeks getting back into the game. Stress is the worst and it has been in my life to long. SO that being said, I am doing the 3 day re start next weekend. Why next weekend, I want to be able to be at home when I do, I can focus on it better and I don't have the daily distractions to get in my way. I will continue to stick to what I know is right till then, but I'm frustrated with me at the moment.......

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -78 pounds.

Pictures

I need to upload new pictures of myself. I will do that this weekend for sure, well once I figure how to get them from my phone to this blog post. :) But I will.

It's been another busy day, trying to stay focused. I still don't feel great, but I know that I am getting there. I am excited to meet a dear friend of mine for dinner tonight. It's always to catch up. She and I grew up in the same neighborhood together and I use to jump off her big rock in her front yard. HA. Good memories.

Other then that, things are moving along. Can't complain. Hope your making it a great day.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -78 pounds.

Busy Busy

It's been a very busy day to say the least. I haven't had a chance to sit down for more then 5 minutes. So with the 5 minutes that I do have, I'll update quickly.

I am starting to eat the right foods all day long again. I feel like I have some what of an appatite back, but it's definatley not like it was 2 weeks ago. I am staying focused on the positive things that are currently in my life. So one step at a time and I will get to where I need to be.

Weight loss: 0

Total weight loss: -78 pounds.

Eat, Pray, Love

Well it's time for confession. Since last Monday I haven't followed my eating/diet plan as I should have. Last week was full up an emotional up and down roller coaster as well as not feeling well. Needless to say I didn't drink the water I needed, nor did I eat what I should of. I didn't cheat, I didn't eat things that I shouldn't of, just not enough of it. I also didn't gain during this past week, I did continue to lose, but I can tell my body is worn out. Emotional, mentally, physically worn out. I feel like the week ahead of me will be one that I'll need to really do some repair and rest for myself. Though it has been a rough one, I still am positive and like the changes (in my body) that I see. I found a picture of myself from Easter, this would of been a few months before I started the weight program, and this picture will be my inspiration to never return to that stage in my life again. It does hurt my heart because I look at that picture and see a world of hurt and pain, I don't know that person anymore.

Because last week was so up and down, I really needed some positive things, reassuring things to happen and they did. Saturday I went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love. For those that have not seen it, I recommend it. There are parts of the movie that I don't agree with, the actress form of mediation, but I understand it. Have you ever had a movie in your life that you've watched and it's like having your life unfold before your eyes? That happened to me, here's the base of the movie....(if you don't want to know, stop reading and go to the next paragraph) A successful business woman was married and the marriage fell apart, ending in divorce. Though she never really forgave herself she went right into an unhealthy relationship with someone who was toxic. Feeling unfulfilled and empty she decides to re embrace her life again. She takes the next year to travel to Italy, India and Baillie. There she will learn to Eat, Pray and Love again. In Italy she re learns what it is to love food and to embrace how people interact with each other. India she finds the chance to forgive herself of the past and the hurt that is in her life. She goes through her prayer and understanding more of who she is. Her last journey to Baillie, this is where she will learn to love again. Though I feel like I have re kindled the eating part of my life, to enjoy the good for you food around me and I am praying, to take time to understand my life again, to not miss anything. But the last stage, love.....that I haven't walked into, nor given up on. I don't know if I will find that again, but I do know that I have a new appreciation for who I am and I love that.

The second part to my reasurance was yesterday's church service. The sermon for the next 3 weeks will be centered around why we are a nation, a world of narcissism. We are a selfish world. Why do we think it's always about "me". I was so glad that I could hear this message yesterday. For myself, no one else, it was a chance to exam my own life and how I deal with this......

Overall, this has been a good thing to re exam my own life, where I'm headed and know that I will have those ups and downs. Things won't always be the way I think they need to be, but I am working towards balance, acceptance and understanding in my life. Not being afraid of change, embracing what is ahead of me and knowing that I am not on this journey alone.

Thank you for letting me unload this morning......

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total Weight loss: -78 pounds.

Still pushing through

I am not really at 100% yet, but I am on my way. I hope that this weekend I'll have some good quality time with my family and friends. I need to just relax and focus on the people and things that are most important and dear to my life. Everything else like worry, stress and disappointment have no place in my life anymore. It's not to say that I won't have those things, but I won't dwell on them, I won't let them win the battle that I'm currently working through.

Through all this I have been able to maintain and also lose a pound or two. I haven't given up this journey, the things that have happened this week have made me stronger and for that I am glad.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total Weight loss: -76 pounds and -29 inches.

Have a blessed weekend my friends.

Still in the middle...

I'm still in the middle of all the stuff that's gone on this week. I do see some light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm having a hard time getting back into eating. It's not agreeing with me. I am use to this though because when I've ever been upset or nervous etc in my life my eating and my body don't react together, they fight each other. So I am slowly getting back into it again. Just frustrating at times that things take hold of me and my body reacts like this.

I'm taking one day at a time, as we should and I know that bigger and better things will happen.

Weight loss: 0

Total Weight loss: -75 pounds and -29 inches.

The moments that define us.

I wish I had some really great insightful things to say today, but I don't. Unfortunatley I am dealing with something in my personal life that has in a way turned myself upside down for the moment. A friend of mine has decided that after 5 years of friendship it's time to part ways. Though my heart is heavy and I am sadden by this whole situation, I know that this moment won't define me, but it will be by my actions or reactions that decided how I'll move on. I believe that when one journey ends another one begins and turns out to be so much better. Needless to say with this turn of events, my eating has been minimal to nothing. When I am stressed, sad, upset or discouraged I don't eat. I get sick to my stomach and I then spend days trying to get my body back to where I was prior to the news or event that put me here.

I know that it's not the end of the world, I know that I'm blessed with amazing friends in my life that want to be in my life because they care and love me. I know I have a remarkable support team in my life and no matter what happens, people, my family, my friends are walking beside me cheering me on. I am blessed.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -75 pounds and -29 inches.

I'm back

Well after 3 days of traveling and resting, I am ready to update. The wedding went fine and even though it was hard to eat the right things, I did. I know though I didn't have enough eater or all the fruit and veggies I needed, I was still able to maintain. Today though I am dealing with a pretty intense headache. I am hoping that it's just me needing to get back into the swing of things. Though I am also dealing with some personal things too....life is never boring.

Weight loss: -2 pounds

Total weight loss: -74 pounds and -29 pounds.

Here we come...

Less then 24 hours from now my mother and I will be on our way to Denver for my cousins wedding. It's crazy that this day is finally here, I feel like we've been talking about it for awhile now. I am excited about the memories that will be made and seeing my cousin take this new step in his life. I hardly slept last night because I had a million things running through my mind. I'm going to be gone for 1 night and I feel like I'm forgetting something. But I figured if I do, then I never needed it. The most important would be my dress and shoes, everything else not so much. :)

This will be my last entry till Monday. I won't get a chance to do any blog while I'm gone, but for those of you that have my as a friend on facebook I'll be documenting my trip via there. I am so excited to be where I'm at with losing 70 pounds by his wedding. My goal was 50-60 and I smashed that number. I am back in the routine of drinking the water I need and making sure I'm staying the course. Have a great weekend, enjoy those around you and remember nothing in life is ever worth worrying about.

Weight loss: -1 pound

Total weight loss: -72 pounds and -29 inches.